Previously...
This one's not your lady anymore.
If you have to be with someone else, this is the right guy.
-Glad you could make it. -Loving that man-gina.
It is liberating.
I made a terrible mistake.
Having a pool is awesome. A husband in rehab is better.
You're fired... as an agent and a friend.
-Bates is coming back tomorrow. -So we've got tonight?
-I am letting go and letting God. -I'm gonna go.
-You have flotsam and jetsam. -You blew him again?
What the fuck?
Karen does not understand what I'm going through.
I'm tired of keeping it together for someone else, you know?
You got to be fucking kidding me.
I am a better, younger version of you, so just fuck off, old man.
What are you doing?
CALIFORNICATION Season V, Episode 60
You're thirsty tonight.
-Yeah. Thirsty and miserable. -Good God, man. Look around.
What have you got to be so miserable about?
This is enough for you?
Welcome to the place where time stands still,
whiskey flows and always will, your heart never aches.
You can fuck till your dick's content.
It'll do, little piggy. It'll do.
-I missed you, man. -Right back at you, buddy.
I'm looking forward to seeing you here on a more permanent basis.
You think this is where I'm going to end up?
I got friends in low places.
Will you take me home?
Tyler.
You tell her, or I will.
What's going on?
Karen... These years have been absolute bliss.
Living here with you has been the most peaceful chapter of my story.
No matter how beautiful the grounds... This place is a zoo.
And I'm a wild animal.
Sobriety is not the answer for me. I need to be unleashed.
I belong out there... in the wilderness.
Okay.
What are you saying?
You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I will love you till the very end of time.
-But I can no longer be your husband. -God!
I'm so sorry, my love.
-My God. -I know it's upsetting.
-It's such a fucking relief! -It's fucking liberating!
-That's my cue. -No, Hank, please stay.
I have something to say to you too.
Okay, this should be interesting.
Listen...
The three of us...
We share something spectacular. We all love each other.
I'm not having sex with you, Bates.
That's not what I'm suggesting, Hank.
It would rock your fucking world.
I'm sure. Jesus.
Our lives are gonna be over in the blink of an eye.
I can't live a compromised life any longer.
But you two, there's still love here. I know it like I know myself.
No buts! Listen to me.
With all your shenanigans,
man, it's just a way to keep her at arm's length.
-Because you're scared. -What if I'm like you?
-Destined to roam free? -You're not a warrior.
If we were on the same tribe,
I'd be out hunting and gathering, you'd be home with the women.
-Sounds like a way better job. -You're not an adventurer.
-You're lazy and passive... -I got it.
But most of all, and best of all... You are a lover.
All right, that's it. I've said my piece.
My wisdom's yours, so do with it what you will.
Come here.
All right. So, until we meet again...
Lovers.
-How you doing over there? -I'm okay.
This day is turning out to be a lot cooler than expected.
What you said.
-Now what? -I don't know.
We pack a bag, and we drive to the airport.
We buy two tickets to paradise maybe three, if Becca wants,
and then we just go, we figure out the rest later.
No.
-No? -No.
-It's because... -It was worth a shot.
Your solution to everything is to run away.
You stay here, stand still, don't move?
Here, tonight, have dinner with me... In this house.
That sounds heavenly. Then what?
I don't know. We just wait, and we see what happens.
So we just see what happens next.
I've got a pretty good idea. That was weird.
-Can I ask you a favor? -Isn't this a favor?
This is a huge favor, but I also need a little one too.
-Can you call Becca for me? -Right now?
No, after is fine.
You had to get mom to do your dirty work?
-I want to explain myself. -You don't have to do that.
Why are you still mad at me?
Violence wasn't the way to solve the problem. It's my problem.
But your problem is my problem, sweetie.
Your work is done, dad. I have to make my own mistakes.
-I'm sorry. -Apology half-accepted.
So where does that leave the two of you now?
I broke up with him. He broke down, said it would never happen again.
-Said that before. -It was a convincing case.
-We made love. -You're funny.
-We did. -Gross!
-Why you got to do that? -Sorry.
No, it's okay. It's not okay.
I'm never going to get used to that shit. I won't.
-He asked me to marry him. -You are funny.
-He did! -He did? What a clown.
I said yes.
I think I'm going to be sick.
I know I joke about that a lot, but I'm serious.
Seriously...
-Dad, are you okay? -No, of course I'm not okay.
I'm woozy.
Just because I said yes doesn't mean it's going to happen soon.
And don't tell mom, okay? I want to tell her myself.
Shit, break's over. I gotta get back to work.
-Love you, dad. -Love you too.
-What happened? -Lizzie quit.
-What? -Yeah, fucking bitch.
She said she needed more time to focus on her career.
I had no idea.
I'm surprised with you being so close and her blowing other guys.
Please, don't remind me.
-I know about Stu and Lizzie. -Thank God.
It was so hard for me to hold it in. How are you handling it?
You didn't know, did you? But now you do.
Yep. Now I know!
-I'm so sorry. You tricked me! -Why didn't you tell me?
Because I've learned one thing, ignorance truly is bliss.
It's these hot skanks with their tight pussies and their perfect tits.
That is so true! They're marriage killers.
It's okay.
God damn it, Irma! Can you give us a minute?
I sorry, but the boy-- he talking! Say again!
Blow job!
That's so good. You're talking!
Don't ever say that word again. Not a nice word.
Where are you going?
To the set because I have to see an ex-husband about a blow job.
-It was two, actually. -What? That's even worse.
They told me it was no big deal, that two was the same as one.
-That is bullshit! -Here, you're too upset.
-I'm going to drive you. -Yes, I'm too upset.
Blow job!
Michael Bay, Michael Mann, Paul Greengrassd think its ridiculous.
I don't care if we go to 3-D or not. Bullshit still looks like bullshit.
Michael Bay? He would laugh at me right now.
I'm sure he is somewhere laughing at me.
I've got an actor who won't come out of his trailer?
You're the director, you have to show them who's boss!
I'm scared. What the fuck?
Holy shit.
Hank, thank God. You must have read my mind.
-Did you call him? -No, but I was just about to.
I never want to see his ass on one of my sets ever again.
This is your set all of a sudden?
This is a producer-driven medium, you ineffectual shitbird.
Shut the fuck up. I'm looking for that other shitbird Tyler.
You're not the only one.
Sam's got a big bug up his ass about that guy.
He won't come out of his trailer, and we're scared to go in there...
Hey, Sam.
If you missed me this much, you could have called or sexted.
You didn't have to cause such a ruckus.
I didn't bring the ruckus, Moody. The ruckus came to me.
Tell me what happened.
I talked to Stu about giving Kali a small part in this joint.
I go over to her trailer to talk She gonna tell me we ain't fucking.
She ain't never gonna love me.
Then she gonna tell me she got with Tyler last night.
I lost my shit, trashed her trailer.
Now I gotta fucking kill that cracker.
Or have somebody do it, which sucks,
I want the satisfaction of doing it myself.
Don't do it. Just let it go.
You do something nice for people, they take advantage of that shit.
I'm a good dude, Moody.
I know. You're just like me. You're misunderstood.
I can be pushed to the brink, man. And when that shit happens,
I don't give a fuck about nothing or nobody.
That's when the apocalypse come out.
I'm three seconds from blowing this whole world up.
Think about it. This is your Eddie Murphy movie-star moment.
Who gives a fuck about the Kalis and Tylers of the world?
-You're Samurai Apocalypse. -That's all well and cool, man.
-I should ice that motherfucker. -Please don't.
My daughter loves that floppy-haired mope. I'm not sure exactly why.
I got little girls. I can relate to that shit.
I don't kill him, your daughter don't get her heart broken?
Exactly.
-Maybe that's the move. -That's the move, Sam.
Mos def... initely.
-Let's fire this motherfucker up! -Yes!
You're welcome.
-Thank you. -I just saved your life.
You know how you're going to repay the favor?
Stay away from my daughter, and rescind that marriage proposal!
All evidence to the contrary... I love her Hank.
I believe you. You're years away from having a relationship with her.
You're like a kid in a candy store. Fuck two of everything.
Just don't torture her while you're doing it, okay?
-You're making a lot of sense. -I'm having a good day...
Putting out fires left and right, wording to the wise.
You wanna man-pound?
Action!
Hold your fire!
Garfunkel! You got three seconds to release her!
One...
You gotta be out of your mind.
Killing bad guys is my business, and business be crackin', yo!
-Thank you, officer. -You're welcome... Bitch!
Officer?
Get the fuck out of here, streetwalker. We working here.
Thank you.
It was really good, yeah.
That was one fine-ass hostage, yo.
She's a real heartbreaker, all right.
What the fuck, man?
I gotta bring down the apocalypse on these motherfuckers, right?
You can disrespect me in front of my cast and crew,
and don't get your ass killed?
I wasn't mocking you!
You're flirting and laughing while I'm trying to work!
You belong together, two unfaithful bitches!
I give you the chance of a lifetime. What the fuck you do with it?
Don't worry, Tyler. It's a fake gun.
Biscuit.
-Any more bright ideas? -You're pretty funny.
If you're gonna shoot him, shoot me first.
Moody, mind your business, man.
As much as it pains me to admit it, I hooked up with Kali too.
You bullshittin', man. You wouldn't do that, man.
I am! But I did. I didn't mean to.
We met on the flight to L.A., I didn't think I'd ever see her.
There she was at your place, looking fine as wine.
Is this true, bitch?
Yeah.
A little smooch on the plane? I can live with that.
What?
Once you kiss somebody, it's hard not to want to do it again.
So we did... And then some.
God damn it, the truth just sounds better.
-Kali, is this true? -I never meant to hurt you.
-Y'all been fucking all along? -Just twice.
-Twice, right? -Yeah.
Both times I accused y'all of fucking you actually had been fucking!
It turns out you've got quite the nose for sex.
You breaking my heart, man...
Both of y'all.
I can't believe this shit, man. Move, nigga.
You gonna videotape my shit and put it on YouTube?
You wanna see a show? I'll show you a show!
Shit. It's getting dark.
That's much better. Thank you.
-I'm knockin' on heaven's door here. -Runkle, you okay?
-I didn't mean to shoot you. -I can't believe you shot at me.
My head's all fucked up. Pussy do that to a motherfucker.
-No more love, just ass and grass. -That's the spirit.
Do a whole rewrite.
I don't want to be contributing to the violence in society no more.
That is a brilliant idea, Sam, but the studio...
don't think they're gonna want to risk making you unlikable.
-Marcy, what the fuck? -I know about the blowie!
It was two, actually.
You're gonna be hearing from my attorney, motherfucker!
-I was just making memories. -Fuck you, Stu!
I am so sorry! I love you so much!
-Suck on this! -So much, baby!
I can't believe you'd actually shoot somebody for me.
One of the most romantic things anyone's ever done for me.
You bring all that shit out of me.
So are we good, Hank?
You just took a bullet for me. Of course we're good.
I told you I'd take a bullet for you.
You sure did, I love you for it, you stupid, bald son of a bitch.
I love you too, Hank. I love little Stuart.
You tell him I tried to be a good daddy, okay?
You tell him yourself. You're going to be okay.
You'll live to humiliate yourself another day.
-Lizzie seem worried about me? -Lizzie?
-She looks pretty upset. -That's nice, Hank.
-You got this? -Yeah, I got this.
What the fuck were you thinking? You're jumping in front of bullets?
That little mutant needs a father more than ever now.
Are you okay?
You better not be calling to cancel on me.
You wish. You better bring some wine,
it's kind of a dry household right now.
Will do. I asked Stu a bottle, but Marcy had to pistol-whip him.
-What? -I'll tell you over dinner.
I'm looking forward to it.
Becca thinks she's getting married.
-Now I am gonna hang up. -No, don't.
Come on, tell me you love me, just one time. Tell me.
Just come home.
I got to swing by Charlie's first. I'll steal a bottle of Manischewitz.
-I saw that! -Jesus fuck!
-No, it's just little old me. -What are you doing here?
Felt bad about the way we left things. I said pretty harsh shit.
A lot of it was true. I deserved it.
Thank you for saying that. Maybe it was.
And maybe you did, but I still missed you.
-I lost my job. -I'm sorry to hear that.
I came out here looking for another one,
had a bunch of shitty interviews and thought I'd look you up.
-Can I ask you something? -Yeah, but then I got to go, okay?
Okay.
Did you ever love me, Hank? Be honest.
No.
You just liked fucking me?
I did like fucking you very much, yes. I did.
Then lets fuck... One more time.
No more times, okay? I can't. I'm sorry.
What does she have that I don't have?
I don't know.
She's just my everything.
Can we not do this, please?
It must be so nice to be loved like that.
But okay, no. No more fucking.
One drink, though... Please?
-And I'll be on my way. -Just one drink, all right.
There, one drink. You happy?
I'm the furthest from happy I've ever been.
I'm sorry, Carrie. I can't help you.
No, you can help me, Hank. You're not going to.
And not being loved, never... That just really takes a toll on...
-You all right? -Yeah.
I think it's the pills. I probably shouldn't be drinking.
What pills?
I started taking antidepressants, a few months ago.
I know! After you dumped me!
I had to do something. I set your apartment on fire.
-How bonkers was that? -How many of these did you take?
A bunch. They usually make me feel better.
-I shouldn't mix them with booze. -I'm calling 911.
Stop it.
I need you to be honest with me. How many of those pills you took?
-No more than you did. -What do you mean?
Hank, how are you feeling right about now?
What did you do? Carrie?
Just think... When they find us it'll look like to the world,
that we were meant to be together.
-What did you do? -Only what you made me.
Tell me you love me.
I love you.