by HOME BOX OFFICE
A Division of TIME WARNER ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, L.P.
( female ) SPENCER IS TOO ADORABLE.
TOTALLY ADORABLE.
JILL, HOW OLD IS HE NOW ?
HE'S 14 MONTHS.
SO CUTE.
THEY GROW SO FAST, IT'S AMAZING.
YOU HAVE THEM AND IT'S INSTANT.
IT'S INSTANTANEOUS GROWTH.
LOOK AT THIS TINY LITTLE BROCCOLI HERE.
WHERE'S THE BOTTOM OF THE BROCCOLI ?
CAN SOMEBODY TELL ME
WHAT THEY DID TO THE BOTTOM OF THE BROCCOLI ?
I LIKE THE BOTTOM, IT'S CRUNCHY.
RIGHT.
REALLY.
YOU KNOW, LOOK AT THIS BROCCOLI, THERE'S NOTHING.
THEY CUT THE WHOLE THING OFF, THERE'S NO BOTTOM.
IS THERE ONE PERSON AT THIS TABLE
WHO CAN EAT CAULIFLOWER ?
WHAT IS IT ?
WHO PUT THIS ON EARTH, THIS VEGETABLE ?
LARRY, JEREMY HAS SOMETHING HE WANTS TO ASK YOU.
HE'S BEEN WANTING TO ASK.
IT'S REALLY NO BIG DEAL.
IT'S, UM...
YOU KNOW, I'M APPLYING FOR A FELLOWSHIP.
U WANT TO SWITCH GLASSES WITH ME, IS THAT IT ?
'CAUSE I LIKE THAT WHOLE CLARK KENT THING
YOU GOT HAPPENING THERE.
THANKS, THANKS.
IT WORKS AT THE GALLERIES.
SO, I'M APPLYING FOR A FELLOWSHIP AT
THE L.A. COUNTY MUSEUM OF ART AND...
YEAH, I'M REALLY EXCITED.
BUT, UH, I NEED A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION AND...
I WOULD ABSOLUTELY BE INDEBTED TO YOU FOREVER
IF YOU COULD DO IT FOR ME.
GOD, I WOULD APPRECIATE IT SO MUCH.
I LOVE THE INDEBTED PART, BELIEVE ME.
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T REALLY KNOW THAT MUCH ABOUT ART.
BUT YOU KNOW ABOUT JEREMY, AND THAT'S THE POINT, RIGHT ?
AND HIS WORK, RIGHT ?
JUST THAT HE'D BE AN ASSET TO THE COUNTY AND...
THAT SEEMS EASY ENOUGH.
YEAH.
SUREOKAY.
OH, THAT'D BE GREAT.
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH FOR IT.
OKAY.
( together ) HERE'S TO LARRY.
AND TO THE FELLOWSHIP THAT'S GONNA BE, ALRIGHT ?
YES, ABSOLUTELY.
AND TO THE LAKERS.
THE LAKERS' SEASON STARTING UP TOMORROW.
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'RE NOT A LAKERS' FAN ARE YOU ?
YOU'RE A KNICKS' FAN.
I'M A KNICKS' FAN, YEAH.
TABLE FOR ONE.
BUT I'M GOING TOMORROW NIGHT.
MY MANAGER HAS SEASON TICKETS RIGHT NEXT TO THE LAKER BENCH.
HE'S GOT THE MOST UNBELIEVABLE SEATS.
PRETTY AMAZING.
THAT'S, UH, PRETTY AMAZING.
BUT YOU'RE A KNICK FAN.
I'LL ROOT FOR THE OTHER TEAM.
I CAN'T STAND THE LAKERS, REALLY.
NO.
NO, I CAN'T STAND THEM.
AND I GET SO MUCH SATISFACTION OUT OF SEEING
19,000 PEOPLE DISAPPOINTED WHEN THEY LOSE, I JUST...
RIGHT, WHEN THEY LOSE, WHICH IS VERY SELDOM.
VERY SELDOM.
I MEAN, THEY HAVE SHAQ.
BEST PLAYER THAT EVER LIVED, END OF STORY.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
I AM A SUCKER FOR CILANTRO, I'LL TELL YOU.
I JUST NEED TO SEIZE THIS MOMENT WHILE BOB'S IN THE BATHROOM.
BUT, JEREMY AND LARRY, FOR BOB'S 40th BIRTHDAY,
WHAT I WANT TO DO IS TO GIVE HIM,
ONE OF THOSE BOOKS WHERE EACH PERSON DOES A PAGE.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN ?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN A PAGE ? WHAT KIND OF PAGE ?
IT COULD BE ANYTHING YOU WANT.
LIKE, IF YOU WOULD DRAW SOMETHING,
YOU COULD DO AN ART PIECE,
AND YOU COULD WRITE A RECOLLECTION OF BOB,
OR A POEM OR SOMETHING YOU CAN SHARE.
MAKE IT FUNNY, WOULD BE GREAT IF YOU COULD MAKE IT FUNNY.
GREAT, I WOULD LOVE TO DO THAT.
THANK YOU, HE WOULD LOVE THAT.
THAT'D BE AN HONOR.
LARRY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO THAT ?
A PAGE ?
THAT WOULD BE NICE.
WELL, I MEAN, I HAVE A LIMITED AMOUNT OF TIME.
I'VE GOT HIS LETTER TO WRITE.
YOU KNOW, BOB'S THING DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A BIG THING.
YOU COULD DO THAT.
YEAH.
REALLY ? OH GOOD, THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, THAT'LL BE GREAT.
BOB'S BIRTHDAY IS ON SATURDAY.
SO, IF I COULD PICK IT UP AROUND WEDNESDAY.
DOES ANYBODY WANT TO SPLIT CHEESECAKE OR SOMETHING ?
OH, I'D LOVE DESSERT.
ACTUALLY, WE CANNOT STAY FOR DESSERT.
WHAT ?
MY PARENTS CAME INTO TOWN,
AND I HATE TO LEAVE THEM BY THEMSELVES.
HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GUYS GOING ?
ACTUALLY, WE'RE ON OUR WAY BACK.
MY PARENTS ARE IN TOWN.
UM, LET'S SEE, YOU WANT SOME...
YOU WANT SOME MONEY FOR THIS, FOR THIS DINNER ?
YOU WANT SOME MONEY FOR THE DINNER ?
YEAH.
SURE.
I DON'T KNOW, HOW MUCH WAS THIS ?
SIX, TWO, EIGHTY ?
WHAT DID YOU HAVE ?
I MEAN, WE JUST HAD SOME TURKEY.
WHAT DID WE HAVE, TURKEY AND A GLASS OF WINE ?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO PUT DOWN HERE.
90, HOW'S THAT, IS THAT GOOD ? IS 90 GOOD ?
( chattering )
110, 115, WHAT'D YOU HAVE ?
CHICKEN AND TURKEY AND A GLASS, I GOT $115, IS THAT COOL ?
ALRIGHT, BYE, YOU GUYS.
( female ) BYE, CHERYL.
( male ) THANKS FOR COMING OUT.
LARRY, AREN'T YOU GONNA SAY GOODBYE ?
YEAH, OF COURSE I'M GONNA...
GOODBYE.
ALRIGHT, BYE YOU GUYS.
I WAS GONNA SAY GOODBYE.
DRIVE SAFE, OKAY ?
I LEFT $115.
I GO OUT TO DINNER, I WIND UP WITH A HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT.
WHAT WAS ALL THAT GOODBYE BUSINESS ?
THAT WAS REALLY EMBARRASSING.
WELL, I JUST, I WANTED TO REMIND YOU TO SAY GOODBYE.
I WAS GONNA SAY GOODBYE, I'M NOT A MORON.
I KNOW HOW TO SAY--
SOMETIMES YOU DON'T.
WHAT ?
SOMETIMES YOU FORGET TO SAY GOODBYE TO PEOPLE.
I FORGET TO SAY GOODBYE TO PEOPLE ?
NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I FORGOTTEN.
YES, YOU HAVE.
AND THEN PEOPLE THINK THAT YOU'RE DOING IT INTENTIONALLY.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I PAID FOR THAT DINNER ?
I JUST KEPT PUTTING MONEY DOWN ON THE TABLE.
WHY DIDN'T THEY STOP ME ?
WHY DID YOU KEEP PUTTING MONEY DOWN ?
BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T, THEY DIDN'T STOP ME.
THERE YOU GO, THANK YOU.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO PUT IN THAT MUCH.
I KEPT SAYING, IS THAT ENOUGH ?
$80, $90 ?
OH, I HOPE MY PARENTS FOUND SOMETHING TO EAT.
I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THAT.
HOW LONG ARE THEY STAYING FOR, ANYWAY ?
THEY'RE STAYING 'TIL NEXT WEEK,
WHEN WE GO TO MONTERREY FOR BECKY'S WEDDING.
( male ) IT DOESN'T WORK BECAUSE THAT--
( female ) OKAY, ALRIGHT !
I THINK THEY MEAN NORMALLY.
OKAY, BUT THEN I WANT ARABIA.
I NEED ARABIA.
WE ALREADY SETTLED THAT, IT'S NOT A COUNTRY.
IT IS A COUNTRY.
OH, HI, GUYS.
HI.
IS ARABIA A COUNTRY ?
ARABIA ? NO, IT'S SAUDI ARABIA.
YOU DON'KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,
"MR. EXPERT IN SOMEBODY ELSE'S FIELD."
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS PLAYING, SCATTERGORIES ?
YEAH.
CAN I PLAY ?
HOPE YOU DON'T MIND, WE RAIDED YOUR GAMES.
NO, I DON'T CARE.
NO, GOSH, WE HAVEN'T PLAYED THIS--
AND YOUR LIQUOR.
( laughing )
S ? LARRY, YOU WANNA PLAY A QUICK ROUND OF SCATTERGO$
NO, I'M GONNA GO UP.
YEAH, WELL, THANK YOU, CAPTAIN GEOGRAPHY.
HEY, LARRY, DON'T YOU SAY GOODNIGHT ?
OH, GOODNIGHT, SORRY.
GOODNIGHT. GOODNIGHT.
( Cheryl ) OKAY, "J", FIVE, GO !
( father ) OHIO STATE, THAT'S A COLLEGE WITH AN "O".
( mother ) OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE.
GIVE ME TIME, I WANT TO DO IT, TOO.
OKAY, OH, OH, UH, OH, GOSH, UH...
OCCIDENTAL !
OCCIDENTAL.
HONEY, PLEASE DON'T YELL AT MY PARENTS LIKE THAT.
I WASN'T YELLING, I WAS HELPING.
ANGEL.
( parents chattering )
SO, UM...
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS PAGE ?
DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THESE PAGES ?
DO YOU PASTE IT ON SOMETHING ?
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ?
SHE'S VERY VAGUE ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.
WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO RIGHT ON IT ?
SHE WANTS A POEM ?
"SOMETHING FUNNY", SHE SAID.
IS IT LINED PAPER ?
MAYBE, I'LL MAKE LITTLE FANCY EDGES ON THE END.
DON'T THEY HAVE, LIKE, SPECIAL SCISSORS
TO MAKE THOSE FANCY EDGES ON THE END ?
ARE YOU GOING TO BE USING YOUR LIGHT MUCH LONGER ?
I'VE BEEN WORKING ON MY LETTER, TOO.
TO THE COUNTY MUSEUM, MY LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR IT ?
"DEAR, L.A. COUNTY MUSEUM.
"THIS IS A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION FOR A GUY NAMED, J--
"A GUY NAME JEREMY, WHO'S SOMEWHAT OF AN ACQUAINTANCE.
"AND HE DRAWS BEAUTIFUL CONCENTRIC CIRCLES
AND GEOMETRIC FIGURES THAT ARE QUITE MOVING."
BY THE WAY, I COULD MAKE THOSE TRIANGLES AND THOSE CIRCLES.
YOU KNOW, IS THAT ART ?
I MEAN, IF I COULD DO IT, IS THAT ART ?
MM-HMM.
WELL, GOODNIGHT.
GOODNIGHT.
( sighing )
"DEAR, COUNTY BOARD.
"I'M WRITING ON BEHALF OF JEREMY..."
OKAY.
"I'LL FIND OUT HIS LAST NAME AND WRITE BACK TO YOU."
OKAY.
SO, HAVE YOU EVER DONE ONE OF THESE PAGES ?
NO.
IT'S STUPID.
WHO ARE YOU GOING TO DINNER WITH ?
WHAT KIND OF SITUATION DID YOU PUT YOURSELF IN ?
IT'S ALL OUR FRIENDS.
LISTEN, I CAN'T GO TO THE LAKER GAME TONIGHT.
REALLY ?
YEAH, SUZIE'S GOTTA GO TO NEW YORK,
'CAUSE HER MOM'S SICK, AND I GOTTA WATCH THE KID.
OH MY GOSH, SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ?
WHO'S GETTING THE TICKET ?
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT TO LEWIS ?
OH, SURE.
GO WITH HIM.
HEY, JEFFY, HOW ARE YOU ?
HEY, AL, HOW ARE YOU DOING ?
GOOD TO SEE YOU, HOW ARE YOU ?
GOOD, ALBERT MAYO, LARRY DAVID,
ALBERT MAYO.
ALBERT MAYO, NICE TO MEET YOU.
SHAQ'S AGENT.
OH, NO KIDDING ?
HEY, I'M GOING TO THE GAME TONIGHT.
ARE YOU REALLY ?
I GOT HIS SEATS.
OH, YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE IT.
YOU'RE THE "SEINFELD" GUY, RIGHT ?
YEAH.
SHAQ LOVES YOUR SHOW.
REALLY ?
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, HE LOVES IT, LOVES IT.
LISTEN, I GOTTA RUN, I GOTTA GET TO THE CENTER.
ENJOY THE GAME, HAVE A GOOD TIME.
IT WAS GREAT TO MEET YOU.
DID YOU PLAY WITH HIM ?
YEAH, I WON 300 BUCKS OFF DOC WIGGINS.
BEAUTIFUL, MAN, SEE YOU LATER.
BYE BYE.
I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT.
LET'S GO.
UM, JUST ONE FAVOR.
JUST LOOK AT THIS THING ON MY BACK.
TELL ME IF YOU THINK, WHAT IS THAT ?
WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT IS ?
UH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
YOU KNOW, YOU OUGHTA GO TO A DOCTOR.
REALLY ?
YEAH.
YOU KNOW THAT GUY RIGHT OVER THERE ?
THAT'S DR. WIGGINS, THAT'S WHO HE WAS TALKING ABOUT.
HE'S THE LAKERS' DOCTOR, GO ASK HIM.
BUT HE'S AN ORTHOPEDIC, RIGHT ?
THEY GOTTA KNOW ALL THE STUFF.
HE CAN TELL YOU AND LOOK AT IT AND GO,
"THAT'S SOMETHING OR NOTHING."
IF HE TELLS YOU IT'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, THEN YOU'RE FINE.
I'M GONNA GO HIT SOME BALLS.
I'LL SEE YOU AT THE RANCH.
HEY, DR. WIGGINS ?
HEY.
HOW YA DOING ?
GOOD.
UM, I'M SORRY TO BOTHER YOU WITH THIS.
I GOT A LITTLE THING ON MY BACK AND I WAS HOPING
YOU COULD SAVE ME A VISIT TO A DERMATOLOGIST.
I'M SORRY, I'M RUNNING A LITTLE LATE.
WELL, IT'LL ONLY TAKE A SECOND TO TAKE QUICK LOOK AT IT.
I'M SURE IT'S NOTHING AND YOU COULD JUST TELL ME IF IT'S--
YOU CAN MAKE AN APPOINTMENT
AND JUST COME ON DOWN TO THE OFFICE.
I'LL BE HAPPY TO LOOK AT IT THERE.
I MEAN, IT WOULD JUST TAKE A SECOND.
JUST SAY IS IT SOMETHING OR NOTHING OR, YOU KNOW.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING AT YOUR WATCH, REALLY.
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING ?
I'M A WRITER.
NEXT TIME YOU'RE IN A BIG HURRY,
WHY DON'T YOU WRITE ME A BUNCH OF SHIT FOR FREE ?
ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS TAKE A QUICK LOOK AT IT.
WOULD IT HAVE KILLED HIM ?
THE DOCTOR ?
YEAH, THE DOCTOR, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL ?
COME ON, MAN.
HE'S IN THE LOCKER ROOM,
ALL HE'S GOTTA DO IS TAKE ONE QUICK LOOK, TAKE FIVE SECONDS.
OH MAN, I MEAN, THE GUY'S TRYING TO RELAX LIKE YOU.
YOU GOTTA GIVE THE GUY SPACE.
LOOK AT THIS.
( male ) HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY ?
GOOD.
LET ME SHOW YOU TO YOUR SEATS.
THIS'LL BE HIS AND THIS'LL BE YOURS.
THESE TWO, RIGHT HERE ?
ENJOY THE GAME.
OH, MY GOD.
LOOK AT THIS, HOW GREAT IS THIS ?
HOLY COW.
GREAT, RIGHT ? HOW GREAT IS THIS ?
IS THIS FUCKIN' UNBELIEVABLE ?
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
THIS IS, YOU KNOW, WE HAVE A GREAT MANAGER.
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU ?
( announcer ) LADIES AND GENTLEMEN YOUR LOS ANGELES LAKERS.
YOU'VE GOT THE BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE, YOU KNOW THAT ?
YOU DO.
THE BENCH IS RIGHT OVER HERE, LOOK AT THIS.
YOU KNOW, I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING JACKSON'S SAYING ?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT HE SAID.
( announcer ) SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
ANTHONY PEELER, TWO SHOTS.
WHAT'S HE DOING ?
WHY DOESN'T HE PUT SHAQ BACK IN THE GAME ?
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
WHO, COACH JACKSON ?
YEAH, I'LL ASK HIM WITH HIS EIGHT RINGS,
THAT LARRY DAVID'S UPSET.
HE'S BEEN OUT OF THE GAME FOR FIVE MINUTES.
HE SHOULD PUT HIM BACK IN, IT'S CRAZY.
MAYBE HE'S UPSET.
MAYBE, YOU KNOW, MAYBE, HE'S TIRED.
OH MY--
OH, MY GOD.
IDIOT, WHAT DID YOU DO ?
OH GOD, I'M SO...
WHAT DID YOU DO ?
ARE YOU OKAY ? I'M SO SORRY.
HERE, GIVE US SOME ROOM HERE, STAND BACK.
TAKE IT EASY.
WHERE IS IT ?
MY KNEE.
YOUR KNEE ?
MY KNEE.
OKAY, EASY, EASY.
LOOK AT THIS SHIT.
IT'S NOT AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT, FOR CHRISSAKE.
CAN YOU STRAIGHTEN IT, SHAQ ?
NO.
CAN YOU PUT ANY WEIGHT ON IT ?
LARRY, HOW DID THAT HAPPEN ?
I DON'T KNOW, I STUCK MY LEGS OUT.
I'M SO SORRY.
LET'S GET HIM UP, I'LL HOLD THE LEG, GET HIM UP.
GET HIM UP.
( Larry ) I'M SO SORRY.
CAN YOU PUT ANY WEIGHT ON IT ?
NO.
( crowd ) BOO !
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
JUST SIT DOWN.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT !
THIS IS A NIGHTMARE.
I THINK WE SHOULD GET GOING, I'M VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
I'M FUCKIN' OUT OF HERE.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE, C'MON.
( crowd booing )
JUST GO.
GET OUT OF HERE, GO AHEAD, HURRY UP.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
TAKE A HIKE.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
YEAH, NO, BELIEVE ME, JULIE, I SAW IT.
I SAW HIM ON THE NEWS.
I SAW THE WHOLE THING, AND HE JUST WALKED IN.
I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW, OH, I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
OKAY.
OH, MY GOD !
WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? WHAT NEWS ?
YOU SAW ME ON THE NEWS ?
YEAH, OF COURSE I DID.
ME ?
THEY SAID THAT YOU TRIPPED SHAQUILLE O'NEAL,
AND NOW HE'S GONNA BE OUT FOR TWO MONTHS.
YOU MEAN I TRIPPED HIM ? THEY SAID LARRY DAVID ?
( phone ) YES, THEY HAVE A BIG CLOSE-UP OF YOU.
THEY HAVE IT IN SLOW MOTION.
THEY HAVE "LARRY DAVID TOOK OUT SHAQUILLE O'NEAL",
FOR TWO MONTHS HE'S GONNA BE OUT.
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE SAYING.
AND THE PHONE WILL NOT STOP RINGING.
COULD YOU PLEASE TAKE THIS INTO THE NEXT ROOM,
SO THAT WE CAN JUST WATCH OUR SHOW ?
LOOK, CAN WE CALL YOU BACK TOMORROW ?
IT'S JUST SO HECTIC.
TWO MONTHS ?
HE'S GONNA BE OUT TWO MONTHS ?
THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE SAYING, TWO MONTHS.
AND NOT ONLY THAT, ONE OF THE REPORTERS THINKS THAT,
YOU MIGHT HAVE HAD A MOTIVE, BECAUSE YOU'RE A KNICKS' FAN.
OH, YEAH, YEAH, I DID HAVE A MOTIVE.
I WANTED TO KILL HIM, I HAD A MOTIVE.
( phone )
CAN YOU TAKE IT OUTSIDE, PLEASE ?
YEAH, WE'RE NOT TAKING ANY CALLS.
SORRY.
OH, MY GOD, MY PARENTS ARE TRYING TO WATCH THEIR SHOW.
( phone )
( father ) DON'T YOU SAY GOODNIGHT ?
HEY, ASSHOLE !
YEAH, YOU, IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT !
YEAH, ASSHOLE !
WHAT THE FUCK ?! WHAT THE FUCK ?!
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
I WAS JUST STRETCHING MY LEGS OUT AND HE TRIPPED.
THEY TOOK AWAY MY TICKETS.
THE LAKERS TOOK AWAY MY TICKETS.
YEAH.
THEY CAN'T DO THAT.
SURE THEY CAN, IT SAYS ON THE BACK OF THE TICKET.
WHY ?
I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR WHOEVER SITS IN MY SEAT.
WHAT WERE YOU STRETCHING FOR ?
WHAT REASON ? YOU'RE IN THE FIRST ROW.
HOW COULD YOU NEED TO STRETCH ?
I STUCK MY LEGS OUT.
HOLY SHIT, YOU KNO HOW HARD I WORKED FOR THOSE ?
ONE GAME, THE FIRST GAME AND YOU FUCK THE WHOLE THING UP !
SORRY.
HAVE A GREAT DAY.
FUCK !
I'M SORRY.
WHAT CAN I DO ? CAN I DO ANYTHING ?
BUY THE TEAM.
THAT WOULD BE A HELP.
HEY, CHUCK.
HEY, LARRY, HOW ARE YOU DOING ?
OKAY.
WHAT HAPPENED AT THE GAME LAST NIGHT, HUH ?
I MEAN, SHAQ IS COMING OFF THE BENCH,
YOU GOT YOUR LEGS STRETCHED OUT, I MEAN, THE GUY JUST TRIPS.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
I KNOW, YOU GOT TO BE CAREFUL.
YOU'RE SITTING THERE, YOU KNOW, YOU SEE A PLAYER COMING,
IT'S A BIG, MOUNTAIN OF A GUY.
YOU GOT TO BE ABLE TO SEE HIM, YOU KNOW.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
IT WAS A STUPID THING, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
BUT, I MEAN, WITHOUT SHAQ, WE CAN'T WIN THIS, YOU KNOW ?
OH, LARRY.
HOW MUCH MORE CLEAR CAN I BE ?
NO COMMENT.
ALRIGHT, THANK YOU.
UM...
YOU'VE GOT A BOATLOAD OF MESSAGES,
AND WHEN THE PHONE WASN'T RINGING, FAXES WERE COMING IN.
I WANT TO TRY TO GET IN TOUCH WITH SHAQUILLE O'NEAL, OKAY ?
SO, FIND OUT WHERE HE IS, HE MIGHT BE IN A HOSPITAL.
I DON'T KNOW.
( phone )
DON'T, FORGET IT, DON'T EVEN ANSWER IT.
I ALSO HEARD THAT HE'S A BIG "SEINFELD" FAN.
I WANT TO GET "SEINFELD TAPES", IF YOU CAN.
ALL THE "SEINFELD" SHOWS, EVERY ONE.
HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PAGE IN A BIRTHDAY BOOK ?
( phone ringing )
OH YEAH, ALL THE MAGAZINE SHOWS ARE CALLING.
THEY'RE GONNA DO A SPREAD.
I'M GOING HOME.
OH, HEY, NO GOODBYE ?
JESUS !
OH, MAN.
NOW DON'T LEAVE THAT IN THE MIDDLE.
I GOTTA PUT THIS IN HERE.
NO, PUT IT WHEREVER YOU WANT TO PUT IT.
IT'S FINE WITH ME.
WHAT'S GOING ON ?
WELL, WE'RE LEAVING.
YOU'RE WHAT ?
WE'RE LEAVING.
IT'S A LITTLE TOO BUSY AROUND HERE FOR US.
YEAH, A LITTLE TOO MUCH COMMOTION FOR US.
REALLY, YOU'RE GOING ?
WE'LL LEAVE YOU WITH YOUR CHAOS, OKAY ?
HOLY MACKEREL.
MOM, I WISH YOU GUYS WOULDN'T LEAVE SO SOON.
WELL, IT'S TIME, HONEY.
GOODBYE.
DAD, DON'T YOU WANT TO STAY A LITTLE BIT LONGER ?
ALRIGHT, WELL, IF YOU RECONSIDER, YOU CAN COME BACK.
GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TELEPHONE.
THAT'S SAD, IT'S SAD.
DON'T YOU SAY GOODBYE ?
THEY WERE IN A HURRY.
OH, IT'S A LITTLE RUDE, YOU KNOW ?
WELL, BOY.
TOO MUCH TURMOIL FOR THEM, HUH ?
YEAH.
LARRY, OH, I'M SO GLAD I CAUGHT YOU AT HOME.
I'M SO GLAD.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GOT STARTED ON THAT PAGE
FOR BOB'S BIRTHDAY BOOK.
YOU KNOW WHY ?
UH, 'CAUSE I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.
I JUST DECIDED IT WAS TOO OVERWHELMING,
AND I THOUGHT, GET HIM SOME COLOGNE.
I'VE BEEN GIVING THIS THING SOME THOUGHT, YOU KNOW.
I'M SORRY, I FEEL...
I WAS GONNA DO A BASKETBALL,
I WAS GOING TO FORGE SOME OF THE LAKERS' SIGNATURES ON IT,
YOU KNOW, AND...
REALLY ?
YEAH, AND THEN I WAS GONNA WRITE A COUPLE OF, UH...
MY MEMORIES FROM THE TWO TIMES WE HAD DINNER TOGETHER AND...
OH, I FEEL BAD.
I CAN SEE THAT YOU'RE UPSET.
I HAD A BEAUTIFUL RAINBOW WITH "I LOVE YOU BOB", AND...
REALLY, OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
AND I'M SURE, YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOME KIND OF THING
YOU CAN DEVELOP WITH IT AT SOME POINT.
HOW DID THE OTHER ACQUAINTANCES TAKE IT, OKAY ?
YOU KNOW, THEY WERE FINE.
YEAH, GOOD.
THEY WERE JUST FINE WITH IT, YOU KNOW ?
THANKS.
IS THAT JILL ?
YEAH, SHE CANCELLED THE PAGE IN THE BIRTHDAY BOOK.
NOBODY WANTS TO HAVE...
APPARENTLY, ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME,
BECAUSE OF SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
THAT'S KIND OF SAD.
SAD ?
WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY ?
I'M GONNA GO TO STARBUCKS AND GET SOME COFFEE.
STARBUCKS, WAIT, I'LL GO WITH YOU.
NO, NO, I JUST WANT TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
WAIT, NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO.
HEY, ADORA, IF ANYBODY WANTS ME, I'M GOING TO STARBUCKS !
I'LL TAKE A MOCHA.
AND I'LL HAVE A VANILLA,
ONE OF THE VANILLA BULLSHIT THINGS.
YOU KNOW, YOU, WHATEVER YOU WANT.
SOME VANILLA BULLSHIT, LATTE CAPPA-THING.
WHATEVER YOU GOT, I DON'T CARE.
WHAT ?
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM ?
I DON'T REALLY LIKE THIS, UH...
WHAT ?
THIS NEW LARRY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER ?
JUST TOO ENTHUSIASTIC AND...
NO, HONEY...
I MISS THE OLD LARRY.
OH, DO YOU ?
YEAH.
HEY, THERE'S JEREMY.
LARRY, I'M GLAD I CAUGHT UP TO YOU.
HOUSEKEEPER SAID YOU'D BE DOWN HERE.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU REAL QUICK.
UH...
LET ME TAKE A GUESS.
WELL, ALRIGHT.
ALRIGHT, CAN I TAKE A GUESS ?
YEAH, SURE.
YOU DON'T WANT ME TO WRITE THE LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION.
WOW, YEAH.
HOLY, WHAT A--
THAT'S A LOAD OFF MY MIND, I'LL TELL YOU.
IT'S A SHAME, THOUGH.
IT'S A SHAME, BECAUSE I WROTE SOME REALLY
LAUDATORY THINGS ABOUT YOUR WORK WITH THE GEOMETRIC SHAPES,
THE TRIANGLES, AND THE TRAPEZOIDS, AND ALL OF THAT.
THERE'S A LITTLE MORE TO IT THAN THAT--
WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT,
BUT THEY'RE VERY COMPELLING FIGURES,
THE TRIANGLE AND THE SQUARE AND...
WELL, THANK YOU.
HEY, YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
ALRIGHT, YOU TOO.
MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME.
YEAH.
I'M AVAILABLE FOR ANY KIND OF FAVOR THAT YOU NEED.
OKAY, THANKS A LOT, BYE BYE, NOW.
COFFEE ON ME !
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN,
FREE COFFEE AND DONUTS AND DANISH AND BAGELS.
ANYTHING YOU WANT.
ON ME, I GOT IT, EVERYBODY, C'MON.
COME ON UP, GET SOME COFFEE.
THAT'S RIGHT, GO AHEAD, ENJOY YOURSELF.
THAT A WAY, THAT'S IT, DON'T BE SHY.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, THANK YOU.
C'MON, PEOPLE, EVERYTHING ON ME.
THIS IS VERY GOOD, BY THE WAY, THANK YOU.
IT'S A CAFE LATTE ? WHAT IS THAT, MILK ?
( male ) MILK.
MILK AND COFFEE ?
COFFEE, YEAH.
MILK AND COFFEE, WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT ?
MILK AND COFFEE.
WE CAN GO NOW IF YOU WANT.
OH MY GOD, WHAT A DRINK !
I WANT TO TAKE OFF.
IT'S MILK AND COFFEE MIXED TOGETHER.
LET'S DO THAT.
WE'VE GOTTA GO THERE, SIT DOWN, HAVE A DONUT, HAVE A BAGEL.
IS SHAQUILLE O'NEAL ON THIS FLOOR ?
DOWN THE HALL.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH, THANK YOU.
EXCUSE ME, ARE YOU A DOCTOR ?
YES, I'M A DOCTOR.
COULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR ?
WOULD YOU MIND JUST TAKING A QUICK GLANCE AT THIS THING ON MY BACK ?
TELL ME IF IT'S ANYTHING THAT I SHOULD BE CONCERNED ABOUT.
SURE, TURN AROUND.
RIGHT OVER HERE.
DO YOU SEE THAT OVER--
THIS IS A SOLAR KERATOSIS.
WHAT IS THAT ?
IT'S BENIGN, IT'S FROM THE SUN.
REALLY ?
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
IT'S NOTHING.
OH, MY GOD, THANK YOU.
SURE.
OH, THAT WAS SO NICE OF YOU TO DO THAT.
YOU...
MORE DOCTORS SHOULD BE LIKE YO YOU KNOW THAT ?
STAY OUT OF THE SUN.
OKAY, THANKS, DOC.
EXCUSE ME.
I'VE GOT THESE TAPES I'D LIKE TO GIVE TO SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
IS THAT POSSIBLE ?
YEAH, SO JUST LEAVE THEM THERE.
WE'LL MAKE SURE HE GETS THEM.
REALLY, OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
HEY, LARRY.
HI, ALBERT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE ?
I JUST WAS GONNA GIVE THESE "SEINFELD" TAPES TO SHAQ.
OH, THAT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU.
NICE OF YOU TO COME ALL THE WAY DOWN HERE AND APOLOGIZE.
THAT'S VERY, UH, HE'LL APPRECIATE IT.
WELL, I WAS ACTUALLY JUST COMING TO DROP THEM OFF.
I WOULDN'T DARE EVEN...
I'M GOING IN THERE RIGHT NOW.
I'LL TAKE YOU IN THERE WITH ME, C'MON.
REALLY ?
YEAH.
WHAT, YOU THINK HE'S GONNA HURT YOU ?
YEAH, I DO.
OH, C'MON, I'M SURE HE'D APPRECIATE AN APOLOGY.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
WELL, I'LL APOLOGIZE, YEAH.
WHAT CAN YOU DO ? THINGS HAPPEN.
I KNOW.
THAT'S A GREAT PRESENT, TOO.
HE'S GONNA BE ON HIS BACK FOR TWO MONTHS.
REALLY, YOU THINK HE'LL LIKE IT ?
YEAH, HE LOVES IT, IT'S HIS FAVORITE SHOW.
GREAT.
SO HOW THINGS BEEN GOING ?
NEVER BEEN BETTER.
OH, GOOD.
WHAT DO YOU GOT, BIG GUY ?
PEANUT BUTTER.
DAIRY PRODUCT, PEANUT BUTTER.
NO, NO.
WHAT YOU MEAN, NO ?
PEANUT BUTTER IS NOT A DAIRY PRODUCT.
IT'S NOT DAIRY.
THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS PEANUT BUTTER IS A DAIRY PRODUCT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
DAIRY IS FROM A COW, PEANUTS ARE NOT A DAIRY PRODUCT.
PEANUT BUTTER, MOO.
OKAY, PEANUTS COME FROM THE GROUND OR SOMETHING.
ALBERT, WHAT'S UP, BABY, HOW YOU DOING ?
LOOK WHO I FOUND WANDERING THE HALLS.
LARRY DAVID, SHAQUILLE O'NEAL.
HE'S GOT SOMETHING HE WANTS TO SAY TO YOU.
I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THE INCIDENT
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT COULD'VE HAPPENED.
I WAS STRETCHING, I NEVER SAT THERE BEFORE.
I'M SORRY.
IS THAT SUPPOSED TO HELP, "SORRY" ?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.
I BROUGHT YOU THESE "SEINFELD" TAPES.
ALBERT TOLD ME YOU WERE A BIG "SEINFELD" FAN.
I AM.
I GOT YOU ALL THE TAPES OF EVERY EPISODE.
YOU HAVE EVERY TAPE OF EVERY SHOW ?
LISTEN, LISTEN...
OH, SCATTERGORIES.
DAIRY PRODUCTS.
PEANUT BUTTER.
PEANUT BUTTER, WOULD BE CONSIDERED A DAIRY PRODUCT,
AM I CORRECT ?
ABSOLUTELY, BUTTER.
THANK YOU.
A MAN THAT HAS SOME SENSE.
OKAY, LISTEN, I'VE GOT, PENDANT, PORSCHE, POPEYE,
PAGO PAGO, AND PROVOLONE.
DOC'S KILLING US.
I'M GONNA GO TO THE CAN, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
TOLD YOU HE WAS SMART, WHAT'S THE SCORE ?
ALRIGHT, WELL, NOW HE HAS 26.
AND WHAT DO I HAVE ?
YOU HAVE 25.
AND WHAT DO YOU GOT ?
I HAVE 25.
BY THE WAY, DIDN'T THE DOCTOR MENTION FIVE ITEMS FOR "P" ?
YEAH.YEAH.
THERE'S NO PAGO PAGO AND PROVOLONE ON THIS LIST,
IF YOU JUST NT TO CHECK IT OUT.
OH, MY GOD.
THE DOC IS CHEATING AT SCATTERGORIES ?
HE WAS OBVIOUSLY MAKING IT UP AFTER THE TIME RAN OUT.
WHY WOULD YOU CHEAT AT SCATTERGORIES ?
A DOCTOR.
YOU WANT TO PLAY ANOTHER GAME ?
DOC.
YEAH ?
HOW CAN YOU CHEAT AT SCATTERGORIES ?
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU GAVE US FIVE NAMES.
THERE'S ONLY THREE HERE.
LISTEN, DOC, YOU KNOW WHAT ?
I'M SICK AND TIRED OF YOU.
YOU'RE FIRED, GET OUT.
ALBERT.
GET THIS GUY OUT OF HERE, YOU'RE FIRED.
I WON, SHAQ.
GET OUT.
GET HIS ASS OUT OF HERE.
THE TIMER RAN OUT.
THE TIMER DIDN'T RUN OUT, YOU CHEATED.
IT'S THE TIMER.
NO, IT'S NOT THE TIMER, GET OUT.
I WAS GONNA WRITE IT DOWN.
GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE, GET OUT.
YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID, GET OUT !
LET'S GO.
DON'T YOU SAY GOODBYE ?
NOTICE HOW NO ONE EVER SAYS GOODBYE ANYMORE ?
HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT ?
YEAH, I HAVE NOTICED THAT.
WHY CAN'T PEOPLE LEAVE A ROOM AND BE A LITTLE POLITE ?
OKAY, MY FAVORITE "SEINFELD" EPISODE WAS "THE CONTEST".
"THE CONTEST" ?
I GOT IT, YOU WANT "THE CONTEST" ?
IF YOU POP IN "THE CONTEST", I'LL LET BYGONES BE BYGONES
AND I FORGOT THAT YOU TRIPPED ME.
PEANUT BUTTER IS A DAIRY PRODUCT.
SHAQ ?
YES ?
KIND OF AN ODD THING.
I HAD A CHANCE TO GO BACK AND LOOK AT YOUR FILE,
AND I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED,
BUT IT SEEMS DR. WIGGINS MISREAD THE M.R.I.
HIS INITIAL DIAGNOSIS OF THE COMPLETE TEAR OF THE QUADRICEP TENDON,
IT'S A PARTIAL TEAR AT BEST.
I THINK IF YOU SIT DOWN FOR MAYBE A WEEK,
YOU'LL BE BACK TO FULL STRENGTH.
THAT'S GREAT !
( Larry ) ONE WEEK, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
I was alone.
( whistling )
EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY.
COULD YOU GIVE ME A RIDE ?
THE DOCTOR.
YES, FROM UPSTAIRS.
YEAH.
YES, HOW'S YOUR BACK ?
OKAY, BARRY, C'MON, LET'S GO.
WHAT...
STAY OUT OF THE SUN.
HE'S NOT A DOCTOR ?
SIXTH FLOOR, PSYCHIATRIC.
Captions Copyright 2001 HOME BOX OFFICE
A Division of TIME WARNER ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY, L.P.
Captioned by HBO COMMUNICATIONS CENTER