♪ ["CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYS] ♪
Hey, I really shouldn't pay you, honestly.
Why should I pay? You talked during the putt.
- I could've made that-- - I was talking pre-putt, and you decided--
- No, it wasn't pre-putt. - Yes, it was. It was pre-putt.
- Do you think that was pre-putt? - It was definitely pre-putt.
Jeff, did he talk during my putt?
I'm not saying anything.
- Jeff, you know what Dante said. - JEFF GREENE: What?
"The hottest places in hell are reserved for those
who in time of crisis retain their neutrality."
- I don't wanna say anything. - You're goin' straight to hell.
- You talked during the putt. - ...quotes? Quotes from Dante over the putt?
- Freddy! What's up, kid? - My man! Hey, buddy!
- HAL BERMAN: How you doing, Larry? - Hey, Hal! Hey, Hal.
- You look good, buddy. - LARRY: Thank you.
What the fuck did I do?
That was a snub. That was a total--
- He looked right at me. - That was intentional.
- What the hell happened with you two? - I set him up on a date
with a friend of mine, producer named Gabby McAfee,
and, uh, he hasn't spoken to me since.
- What? - JEFF: Yeah.
I have no i-- I have no idea why.
Did you try and contact him?
- Well how'd that-- What'd he do? - Ignored me.
- Wow! - JEFF: I don't get it.
She's beautiful, she is smart,
she is kind, she's great.
How come you didn't fix me up with her if she's so great?
I don't know.
FREDDY: Probably shouldn't even say it,
but it's probably common knowledge.
- Oh, yeah. yeah. - FREDDY: Yeah. I think the whole club knows.
I have no idea.
He slept with his mother-in-law.
- Hal slept with his mother-in-law? - Yeah.
- Shut the fuck up. No way! - Yeah.
- Liars! - Okay. What did you hear?
I-- I only heard that he fucked his mother-in-law.
Tell me more. What did you hear?
- And that led to his divorce. - JEFF: Oh, wow.
- That's what I heard. - LARRY: Yeah.
But was it ongoing or one time?
I think it was a couple times. Yeah.
- That's what I heard. Yeah. - JEFF: Oh.
Wow. Gabby McAfee. She's something.
- Yeah! - Uh-huh!
She's a beautiful girl.
You'll set me up?
Did you fuck your mother-in-law at any point?
[LAUGHS]
'Cause I ain't setting you up if you did.
- Well... - Okay. Yeah, I'll call her.
- No problem. - And you know what else?
Maybe I could do a little, uh,
- investigation. - As to, uh--
As to what happened on that date
that he would never speak to you again.
- All right. Thank you. - That looks good.
Look at you. Still with the fries.
- Should I try one? - [CUTLERY CLATTERS]
- SAUL: [GROANS] - Oh, my God!
I think he's having a heart attack.
- SAUL: [GROANS] - Oh, my. That's Saul Berman.
Dad, come down to the floor. Easy, easy, easy.
Is there a doctor in here?
You're all right. Just lay down.
- It looks serious. - HAL: Hold my hand.
- Hold my hand. - It does.
I got you. I got you.
I got you. Hold my hand. Squeeze my hand. Here you go.
Okay. Good, good. All right. Got you. Can you talk?
- Okay. - HAL: Okay, okay. okay.
Want some water? Huh? No? We got a doctor coming.
- ♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYS] - HAL: Okay.
Just squeeze it! Squeeze as hard as hard as you can! Okay--
- All right. - SAUL: [GROANS]
SAUL: [GROANS]
RADIO COMMENTATOR: That wraps it up here.
Final score: Knicks 101, Sixers 97.
Tom, what-- what was the problem with the Sixers tonight?
- [PHONE RINGS] - FREDDY FUNKHOUSER: Hello?
Hey, Freddy. It's me.
- FREDDY: How are you? - I'm on my way to Katsuya
to meet Gabby McAfee.
I just looked in the mirror, and a button fell off my shirt.
I've got tons of T-shirt exposed.
You can't have more than three-quarters of an inch of T-shirt showing.
FREDDY: Oh, that's terrible.
I'm right near your house.
-Come get a shirt. - Okay, great.
♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYS, STOPS] ♪
Tonight, we're gonna get something great for you.
Are you sure you don't wanna go T-shirt?
Because I think it could look good.
- T-shirt, really? - Very sinewy!
- You look fantastic! - LARRY: Sinewy?
Look at that word you just threw out.
- people underestimate you. - FREDDY: They do?
You're actually a little brighter than-- than you come off.
I'd bet you're sitting on some pretty big words too,
when you need 'em. Now, let's take a look.
I wanna try for the same palette.
Yeah, I get it.
LARRY: Just wanna be comfortable.
Oh, God!
Oh, Jesus. I just burned the shit out of my hand.
What? Oh, jeez.
BOTH: [LAUGHING]
Oh, my hand! It's what? [GASPS]
You tell me, LD! You tell me, LD!
- Really nice item. - Very nice item.
All right, this is great. I'll take it.
Yeah, I think this will be great.
Thank you. Thank you, sir.
- Yes. May I help you? - How do you do?
- Yes. - Larry David, table for two.
Oh, you're the first one here! Uh-- Shall I take your umbrella?
[SCOFFS] I thought it was gonna rain. What happened?
- Huh? - I don't know.
- They said rain. - Okay.
- I'm not crazy. - Thank you. Thank you.
- Yes, yes. Uh-- Table? - Sure.
HOST: Ohitorisama goraiten desu!
BOTH: Irasshaimase!
LARRY: Oh! Well.
Thank you, thank you. I love that greeting.
HOST: Please. This is your table, sir.
- And your menu. - [EXHALES SHARPLY]
And somebody will be right with you, sir.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
- There he is. - HOST: May I help you?
- Oh, okay. Right this way. - Yeah.
- [SHOUTS] Irasshaimase! - CHEFS: Ira--
- GABBY MCAFEE: Whoa! Hello! - LARRY: Hello!
I'm Gabby, obviously. I love it!
- Huh? Do you love that greeting? - I love it!
Is that the best greeting you've ever had?
Absolutely!
Oh, yeah. I speak six languages, including Guamish.
- That's what they speak in Guam. - Island of Guam.
Could you please not say "irasshaimase"?
- HOST: Thank you. - What? That's-- What?
- Sorry. - Thank you for understanding,
and enjoy your dinner. Thank you.
- that I said "irasshaimase"? - I have been here 100 times.
I've never been reprimanded by the host.
Is this the first time you've been reprimanded by a host?
- Alas, no. - GABBY: No?
You know, maybe just tonight, first date,
we-- we're on our best behavior.
- Maybe? - [LAUGHS] I'll try.
GABBY: [LAUGHS]
This is my favorite place. Thank you so much.
Larry, I wasn't even gonna come on this date.
I mean, honestly, I've had such bad luck since my divorce.
But Jeff told me...
"Worst thing that happens, it doesn't work out,
he's a great person to break up with."
- Oh, yeah. I'm great. - Oof! Really?
Oh, yeah. Like, if we go out,
all you gotta do is say, "Hey, I don't wanna see you anymore." And I go, "Ah! Okay."
No drama?
- Zero. - That's a good quality.
I walk away, and I never give you--
- Not another thought. - I don't give you another thought.
- Wow! - Yeah.
That's... That's almost, um...
like a sociopath, but...
- LARRY: [LAUGHS] - ...borderline.
anyone's ever said to me.
Well, do you have any other good qualities?
Yes, I do.
Okay.
So discreet.
Really? Good at keeping a secret, you think?
- Absolutely! - Okay.
I want us to tell each other something
we've never told anybody.
- Bring it on. - Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT, WHISPERS] ...and I...
slept with one of my students.
[CLEARS THROAT] Excuse me. [CHUCKLES]
you were a teacher in high school and...
you slept with one of your students?
- Did I get that right? - Consenting people.
- Wow! - He was 18.
Was he-- Was he a senior?
- Yeah. - Did you go to the prom?
Oh, I'm not gonna go into this.
What was his extra-curricular activity?
He was a basketball player. That's it.
- Did you go to the games? - I told you the secret.
Did he give you a little wink when he was playing?
If he made a shot, did he look over?
- You know what? - What?
Time for you to tell me your secret.
Give it up.
Okay, look. I'll tell you this, okay?
- Okay. - But honestly...
you cannot mention this...
to anyone, ever.
Larry, trust. Trust.
Okay. [CLEARS THROAT]
I have a fantastic shortcut to the valley.
Tremendous.
- That's your secret? - Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I told you...
that I slept with a student. Your secret is Waze.
Let me tell you something. There's no comparison
- between these two secrets. - No, there's not!
My secret improves your quality of life.
Your secret's just interesting.
secret is?
Cosiano, Sepulveda,
Mulholland, Longbow,
to Valley-- Valley Vista.
That's your cousin.
I gotta write this down. I gotta write--
You lose it, somebody finds it. No good.
Okay, but you can't tell anybody what I said.
- What did you say? - Uh-huh? That's funny.
- You like that? - You're funny! [CHUCKLES]
- Hey, let me ask you something. - Okay.
- You went out with Hal Berman? - A couple times.
What's the deal? What happened?
I don't know, you'd have to ask him.
Hmm.
- They're amazing! - [SIGHS]
- CHEFS: [SHOUTING] Irasshaimase! - [SCREAMS]
- GABBY: Oh. - LARRY: What the...
- [SHOUTS] Irasshaimase! - [SHOUTS] Irasshaimase!
- CHEFS: [SHOUTING] Irasshaimase!
- [SHOUTS] Irasshaimase! - [SHOUTS] Irasshaimase!
[SCREAMS] Irasshaimase!
[SILENCE]
♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
LARRY: I had a great time. That's all I can tell you.
- It was a great date. - Great date?
[CHUCKLING] I don't know what Hal's problem was.
What kinda things did you talk about?
We talked about general stores.
- [CHUCKLES] You did, huh? - Yeah.
- JEFF: Okay. - Yeah.
I had photos in my phone of different general stores
- throughout the country. - Well, that's your passion.
- Yeah. [CHUCKLES] That's my passion. - That's your passion.
That's your great love.
[BOTH LAUGH]
She was good at conversation? Fun?
The conversation was flowing so easily.
I even left my umbrella at the restaurant.
I gotta go back and get it later.
But the rest of the date went well?
I mean, there was one weird thing.
- What was the weird thing? - She wanted, like, to do this thing
where we kind of...
swapped secrets, you know... I don't know.
- What was her secret? - [STUTTERS]
- You know, I'd feel terrible. - It's me.
Why would you not tell me?
But you don't like yourself anyway.
You cannot say a word about this to anybody.
- Honestly. - Come on.
Yeah.
- She fucked one of her students. - She fucked one of her students?
- Are you fucking kidding me? - She fucked one of her students?
Ooh.
- Yo... - Boy, that didn't take long.
[SCREAMS] You couldn't keep that secret for five seconds!
I didn't directly tell him, I indirectly--
But you did!
- That's so hot. - LARRY: Yeah.
- Crazy hot. Sorry. - That's real hot.
That's the shit right there.
that I really wanted to have sex with.
There's only one teacher but I--
that I wanted. Mrs. Fish.
I can tell you that Miss Rogers
was not the cause of any tumescence
- LARRY: Yeah. - What'd she look like?
- She was on death's door. - ALL: [LAUGHING]
Veins popping out all over her body.
Oh, man. In my case, I fucked the school nurse.
She was fuckin' fine as shit.
Every time I had a tummy ache, I tapped that ass.
So, did you make up that you had a tummy ache just to go there?
Yeah. She gave me a spoonful of Pepto-Bismol
and a fucking hand job.
He's got a wild imagination.
So, wait, wait. What was your secret?
- I-- I can't tell my secret. - JEFF: Why?
Because then, it's no longer a secret.
- Yeah, but it's to me. Go. - Okay.
I got a shortcut to the valley.
You got a shortcut to the valley?
- LARRY: Yeah. - You got a shortcut
- to the valley? - JEFF: No one's got a shortcut--
- You fucking did it again! - LEON BLACK: Shortcut?
- You did it again! - I apologize. I apologize.
It was two secrets in the space of a few minutes!
But you know a great shortcut to the valley.
- LARRY: Yes, I do. - And you've never told me.
- LARRY: It never came up. - Never told him.
You're not gettin' the shortcut.
Don't give me that look. I know that look.
You're not gettin' it. Fix the TV!
I can't fix that TV, man. That TV is fucked.
It ain't gonna work. I tried everything.
- LARRY: Seriously? - Seriously.
- I need a new one? - LEON: You need a new TV.
I just got a new TV. It's great.
- Really? - Best TV I've ever had.
- Is that so? - Yeah, come over and take a look.
JEFF: All right, let me get something to eat.
Does your TV have, uh, picture-in-picture?
- LARRY: Oh, man! - Picture-in-picture?
- [GROANS] - JEFF: That's old.
Look at this.
Oh, my God!
- Aw, damn. - What happened?
I spilled soy sauce on it,
- You know, just Dial. - Bar soap?
- Bar soap! - That's the worst!
- Really? - JEFF: Oh, God! Yeah!
- Soap stains. - Soap stains?
BOTH: Soap stains.
Who makes a cleaning product that stains?
That's like a Band-Aid that cuts!
Here's a little secret.
Freddy's shirt is fucked.
LARRY: Hey!
[SIGHS] Hey.
- Hi, Hal. - [CLICKS TONGUE] Hey, Larry.
- How's, uh-- How's your dad? - [SIGHS]
Ah, you know, not great.
Came to get his lucky rabbit foot.
He keeps it in his locker.
Really? Maybe I should start playing with a rabbit's foot.
- Huh? - Yeah. You never know.
Well, um, give him my best.
Yeah. Well, why don't you pray for him, huh?
Eh...
"Eh"?
- I can't do that. - Are you kidding me?
How do you even do it? Do you get on your knees?
- Do you put your hands together? - No, you don't have to--
I can't do that.
you know, getting out of Egypt, right?
I would submit it's as big a waste of time
- as watching The Kardashians. - I don't understand you.
This is why you join a club.
in a time of need.
No, I joined for the golf.
And you know what? I'm enjoying pickleball too.
- Have you played? - What if your prayer
were the thing that saved him?
- Wait a second. Are you praying? - Of course I'm praying.
So, let me put myself in God's shoes for a second.
- Okay. - "Oh, there's the son!
Oh, the son's praying!
Oh! Oh, there-- Ah, Larry David!
Oh! Okay, I'll save him!"
How do you know prayers don't work?
Because I'm bald.
Hey, Hal!
- Yeah. - Yeah, I had a date with her.
I'm seeing her again on Saturday night.
Let me guess. Katsuya?
Yeah! Yeah, she likes that place.
Yeah, well. Good luck.
What ever happened with you two?
I can tell you this much, Larry.
What goes around comes around.
"What goes around comes around."
[INHALES DEEPLY] Eh.
- Hey. - Irasshaimase!
- How you doing? - LARRY: Good.
How'd it go?
- Oh, went great. - Well, tell me about her.
Uh-- She's everything Jeff said, uh, she was.
That's terrific.
There was, unfortunately, one casualty from the evening.
What did you do? What happened?
[PAPER BAG RUSTLES]
LARRY: Your shirt got ruined.
What the fuck happened to the shirt?
LARRY: I'm so sorry.
The chef yelled out "irasshaimase"
as I was pouring soy sauce, and...
it scared me, and-- and I... got it on the shirt.
Looks like you were a part of a home birth or something.
So, it-- So-- So soy sauce spilled all over it.
I put soap on it, and, uh...
You never put soap on a fabric like this.
I didn't know soap stains.
Ah, fuck. I loved this shirt, man.
LARRY: [CLICKS TONGUE] I'm so sorry.
and they don't make it anymore.
How-- How do you replace someone's favorite shirt?
What? Favorite shirt? What are you talking--
You just don't buy another one.
- You loaned me your favorite shirt? - Yes.
Why would you loan me your favorite shirt?
going on the date.
- Oh, yeah, it's my fault. - Everybody knows that.
What do we do? How do we get out of this?
- I don't know. - This is horrible.
I'm happy to replace it with any shirt you want.
We can go shopping or--
would be you actually...
That's really biblical, real eye-for-eye stuff.
I'm not giving you my favorite shirt.
That's out of the question.
Okay, fine.
Don't give me your favorite shirt.
Just give me the gray and blue, uh, two-tone shirt.
[SIGHS]
You don't give up a two-tone. That's my favorite shirt.
You know it. It's not even up for discussion.
You never give up a two-tone, ever.
Okay. I don't know that I feel much like eating.
- [GLASS CLATTERS] - I'm glad the date went well...
and that I could be a friend when you needed one.
LARRY: Oh, come on!
- Sorry, Freddy. - Yeah.
Say sorry with the two-tone.
Any one!
Irasshaimase!
Ah! Mr. Takahashi.
You don't say "irasshaimase" here!
You know, I said it at the Japanese restaurant,
and they didn't like it either.
I'm not saying it right? What-- How do you say it?
-"Irasshaimase." -"Irasshaimase."
No, no, no. Terrible.
- Huh? - MR. TAKAHASHI: You know terrible?
- Yeah. - That's you.
- Okay. All right. Okay. - [CELL PHONE CHIMES]
Totemo kanashii.
- He not make it. - Oh.
It's interesting because you would think
- there'd be doctors around. - No.
- Only plastic surgeon here. - Hmm.
One more time "irasshaimase" here, out!
Bakayarou!
HOST: We're not open, sir.
Hi. Uh...
I left my umbrella here last night.
It's a green umbrella. It says, "Dallas Omni Hotel."
- Hmm. - Yeah. There-- There it is.
It's right there.
Oh. You mean this umbrella?
Yeah. Yes.
I was staying in the hotel. It was raining.
They-- They let me take the umbrella
when I went to the airport.
Should I return it to you or Dallas Omni Hotel?
Return it to me! I'll return it to the hotel!
Anyway, it's really not your business.
You don't need to return it for me!
But it's not yours either.
I borrowed it. I'll return it. Okay?
Mr. David, I will be honored to return this for you.
No. It would be my honor if you gave it to me.
- Oh, it will be more our honor. - No, it's my honor!
- No, my honor! - My honor!
It is not your umbrella.
- All right. Enough of this. Just-- - [YELLS]
You have no right to do this!
No right! You're stealing!
- Oh! Let's call the police! - You're stealing!
What do you care about the Dallas Omni Hotel?
Because there's a rule and regulation for everything.
- Ah. - Ah!
Yeah, I see. Now, I get the whole thing.
You're upset about-- that I irasshaimased last night, right?
No, no, no, no--
- I didn't know. Nobody told me. - Oh, I told you.
All right, but--
Oh, I'm sorry if I didn't follow the irasshaimase rules.
Oh, no. Umbrella rule you didn't follow either.
Oh... Oh... The precious irasshaimase rule!
"Only chef irasshaimase!" What a bunch of crap!
I'll irasshaimase any time I want!
I like irasshaimaseing! It's very welcoming!
It feels very good to irasshaimase,
and I'll continue to irasshaimase!
I didn't steal the umbrella, okay?
You're stealing the umbrella!
HOST: [SCOFFS]
The irasshaimase! Oh! So sacred! Irasshaimase! Irasshaimase!
Oh, come on!
[SIGHS]
♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
INSPECTOR GREGSON: This makes four, Inspector.
Four defenseless women here in the heart of London.
And every one with the right forefinger
-hacked off. - [DOORBELL RINGS]
Cleanly, expertly severed.
GREGSON: Is there no way of stopping this, Mr. Holmes?
- [DOORBELL RINGS] - HOLMES: There's a way, somehow.
- HOLMES: Well, at least we know what the motives were not. - [KNOCKING]
because they all came of totally unrelated families.
Steady, Inspector. Steady.
- GREGSON: Sorry, Mr. Holmes. - HOLMES: Yes, it's horrible.
Come on, let's get a drink.
"Let's get a drink."
On the contrary, my dear fellow.
and ruthless intellect the world has ever known.
-I do. - Oh, steady, Holmes.
"Steady Holmes, you've got him on the brain."
- What are you doin'? What are you doin' here? - Oh! Hey!
Um...
and Jeff said you have a great one.
He told me to come over
and let myself in and check it out
and, you know, make myself at home. So, you know--
Clearly you did, just lying on the couch, huh?
- Oh, my feet weren't on there. - Uh-huh?
Did you notice where my feet were,
I hope you saw that.
I don't understand what you're doing here in the first place.
You looked at the TV, now leave!
I'm in the middle of this movie.
- In my house! - LARRY: Sherlock Holmes!
Somebody's chopping off women's fingers, okay?
- Uh-huh? - And Holmes is on the case!
He's on the case, he'll solve it. You could leave.
Okay, fine. Can I tape it?
No, because that would require
you returning to the scene of the crime to watch it!
Is there any way you could DVR it and then email it?
What am I, the fucking AV Squad?
No, I don't think so!
- Fine. I'll leave. - Thank you.
By the way, there was somebody who rang bell earlier.
- SUSIE GREENE: Who was it? - I don't know, I didn't answer.
[INHALES] It was my dress. It was my dress being delivered.
I need it for the event this weekend.
Why didn't you fucking answer it?
This is not my house. I'm not even supposed to be here.
- Why am I answering your door? - But you were here!
Yeah, I was here literally, but not figuratively.
All right, you know what? You go pick the dress up for me.
All right? 'Cause you couldn't get off your ass to go to the door,
then you can go drive all the way
to the dressmaker and pick it up for me!
I don't understand. If I wasn't here, the guy knocks,
nobody answers, and you still don't get your dress.
So how's it my fault?
- "Steady, Inspector. Steady." - What?
[IN BRITISH ACCENT] All right. I'll pick up your dress for you,
but I feel it's only fair to warn you
that this path you're on is quite treacherous...
and can lead to unforeseen consequences.
Oh! No shit, Sherlock!
Just get the fucking dress, okay?
GUEST: I'm so sorry for your loss.
LARRY: What? Oh, no!
[HORNS HONKING]
- [HORNS HONKING] - Oh, my God.
[CELL PHONE VIBRATES]
- Hello. - Hey, it's me.
Uh-- Where are you? The thing's about to start.
I'm on Longbow.
I took my shortcut, but it's not working.
- There's traffic. - JEFF: Oh, you're kidding.
LARRY: Oh, come on!
Why is there so much traffic?
There's never traffic on this shortcut!
And I think Gabby must have told people about it.
- JEFF: Ah... - I knew it!
I knew I shouldn't have told her!
How long till you're here?
I think I'm just gonna turn around and go home.
What? So, you'll be a little late.
Yeah. I-- I can't sit in traffic.
You have to have done something stupid to be in traffic.
I don't belong here. I'm gonna turn around.
JEFF: [GROANS OVER PHONE]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[SIGHS] Larry's not coming. Too much traffic.
- Turned around and went home. - Ah.
Why did you give him your favorite shirt?
I guess it's my fault. You think it's my fault?
No. [MUMBLES]
Uh... If it's my friend, I'd give it to 'em.
And then if they spilled, what would be your expectation?
That they'd get it cleaned and or replace it.
Yeah.
That's right.
I'm sorry for your loss.
caring and loving father to his sons, Hal and Caleb,
and, on occasion,
- not a bad golfer. [CHUCKLES] - GUESTS: [CHUCKLING]
I know he would've been very gratified
to see all his friends and colleagues
who came out to pay tribute
to this wonderful, wonderful man,
one of whom I'd like to bring up right now.
- Freddy Funkhouser. - [WHISPERS] I miss him.
Thank you.
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Saul was a terrible golfer.
Unless there was a little scratch on the line.
- Then, he was Jack Nicklaus. - GUESTS: [CHUCKLING]
- FREDDY: I loved him. - Ah, Freddy. He loved you.
These moments matter.
And to look out and see...
everyone here who made such a sacrifice to be here,
I know for the family, it means everything.
Larry David, uh, couldn't make it here today.
He got stuck in traffic,
GUESTS: [GASPING AND MURMURING]
FREDDY: You know, Saul was the kind of guy
even if it was his favorite one. He wouldn't care.
And if he was the one to stain that shirt? Guess what.
He would've given you his favorite shirt back.
He wouldn't just put his head in the sand...
and make it uncomfortable for everybody.
Probably would've given you two shirts.
♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
[SCOFFS] What the hell's going on here?
I'm gettin' a lot of dirty looks.
- Uh... Freddy. - What?
Well, when he spoke,
he said, "Larry David couldn't be here today
because he got stuck in traffic and turned around."
What? Is he nuts? Why would he do that?
- I don't know. I don't know. - That's crazy!
It's 'cause I ruined his favorite shirt. I stained it.
Who gives their favorite shirt out?
- You don't do that. - JEFF: No. No.
And by the way, so what if I missed the funeral?
- [GRUNTS] - I went to his second wedding,
I went to his 60th birthday party.
Then throw in a graduation on top of it, a bar mitzvah!
- Yeah. - I mean, there's no end to it!
What do they want from you?
- 'Cause she's got a big mouth... - Mm-hmm.
- All right. You ready for this? - What?
I know what happened with Hal.
- I figured it out. - What?
She must've asked for a secret on their date...
then told everybody about the mother-in-law.
No doubt about it.
- That's it. - You nailed it!
LARRY: She's a blabbermouth.
- What an idiot! - Yes.
Who goes on a date and goes,
[LAUGHS]
- I know, it's so crazy. - JEFF: It's crazy!
But that's why he's not talking to you.
- Oh. No, I'm gonna see her. - Oh, you are?
- Oh, yeah. - Oh.
Mr. Takahashi!
In honor of Saul Berman, the club will be mourning.
So, no revelry.
- Smiling okay? - No. Not even smiling.
- Chuckling? - No chuckling.
Hey, let me ask you a question.
Do you ever go to Katsuya?
- Oh, Katsuya? - LARRY: Yeah.
Yes, my favorite.
Could you do me a favor?
I left an umbrella there,
and they won't give it back to me.
Why not get new umbrella?
It holds up in gale-force winds. It never goes inside out.
It's the best umbrella I ever had.
No umbrella like that.
This umbrella is like that.
-Sou desu ka? - What does that mean?
- "Is that right?" - Oh... "Sou desu ka."
-"Sou desu ka." -"Sou desu ka."
- JEFF: "Desu ka." - "Sou desu ka."
"Sou desu ka." Anyway, what do you think?
Could you get it back for me?
No!
♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
- [THUNDER RUMBLES] - [RAIN POURS]
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
[SCREAMS]
- [DOORBELL RINGS] - SUSIE: Coming!
♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES]
Are you fucking kidding me?
GABBY: You're a sharp dresser, you know that?
- It's one of my two-tones. - What's a two-tone?
It's got, uh, two different colors
for the inside and the outside.
Do you ever dress up? Do you have a tux?
LARRY: Yes. Of course I have a tux.
It's not the dressing up part that's disturbing to me,
it's where you go after you're dressed up.
- Tuxedo itself is fine. Yeah. - [LAUGHS] Yeah.
Like, if I just sat in the house with a tuxedo on,
that would be okay.
Yeah. As long as I don't have to go to the place
where I have to wear the tux.
[LAUGHS]
- Mmm. - Imagine my surprise...
when the traffic was backed up to Sunset Boulevard.
- You... - [LAUGHS]
...opened your big, gentile mouth.
I told two friends.
Two friends with very long commutes,
by the way. But that's--
That is not enough to make a-- a-- a--
- a traffic jam to Sunset. - No, no! It is!
Two friends tell two other friends
tell two other friends!
and I promise I won't tell anybody else.
You know what? Even though...
you gabbed and gave away a precious secret...
Yes?
[GASPS]
I'm not taking it off the table.
You're not taking it off the table?
- No, no. For now. - Okay.
- Yeah. - Okay.
Eh...
We'll see how it goes.
So many things to find out about you!
- HOST: Oh, welcome back! - Thank you.
- Oh, you're back too. - LARRY: That's right.
Uh-- I asked for the same table.
- Right this way. - LARRY: That-- That's okay.
We'll find it. Yeah.
Did you mail that umbrella?
- Uh-- Please, enjoy your dinner. - Yeah, thank you. Yeah.
-Irasshaimase! - Irasshaimase!
He steal umbrella from Dallas Omni Hotel!
- She slept with student! - He ask her to prom!
What?
- You told them? - No, I didn't.
- You swore to me. - I didn't say anything.
He was captain of basketball team!
She blew him in car!
- DINERS: [GASPING] - [SCOFFS]
[SCOFFS ANGRILY]
♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
Gochisousama deshita!
CHEFS: Arigatou gozaimashita!
- Thank you for coming, Mr. David. - Oh, yeah. Sure.
Oh, my God! Look! Look at this! Look what's going on here!
- [RAIN POURS] - LARRY: Look! Look at this!
[SHOUTS] Hey! That's my umbrella!
No.
♪ ["CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYS] ♪
[THUNDER RUMBLES]