♪ ["CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
[IRMA KOSTROSKI SNORING]
[SNORING CONTINUES]
[SNORING STOPS]
[SNORTS]
- [SNORING] - ♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
LEON BLACK: Damn! She's still here?
- Man. - Yeah, she's still here. And it's your fault.
What you're doing right now, is you puttin' bad miles
on your johnson.
You never heard of a car have highway miles
and fuckin' city miles?
Right now, we got dick depreciation.
But you know what? It's worth it.
- Hmm? Okay. - It's worth it.
Oh, no, no, no, Leon.
- Oh, boy. - IRMA: Leon, no.
Where does this go?
- Okay? - All this stuff is going
to the same place.
- of fuckin' trash and shit... - IRMA: No.
...with seagulls flyin' over that shit.
No. While I'm in a relationship with Larry,
this is how we do it. Okay? If you only knew the journey
a piece of trash takes in this city...
It's one plastic bottle's journey
- from Milan to Minsk. - Yeah.
You wanna a choke a dolphin, Leon?
- Oh. - I don't think you want to.
You don't wanna choke a dolphin.
[WHISPERS] Bad miles.
Ugh. He's such a smart guy. It's just he's--
he has a lot of energy, but he kinda delusional.
- LARRY: Yeah. - IRMA: He has all of these
theories that just make no sense.
Ugh. I gotta go to work. I gotta get to the chamber.
You know the guy was here to, uh, give me an estimate
- on the fence around the pool. - Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
- yeah. Yeah. - LARRY: Yeah, he said it's gonna
- cost 5,000 dollars. - Oh, my God! Really?
Remember-- remember last week, I mentioned something
about repealing that law?
Y-- You mentioned something about repealing the law.
You don't stop talking about repealing the law.
But the more I think about it, the-- the more sense
it actually makes.
[GASPS] Really?
IRMA: Would it stop you talking about this fence?
Absolutely, I-- I'll never mention it again!
- This is fantastic. - You need--
there's five council people.
- You need a majority? - IRMA: Yep.
- IRMA: You got me. Yes. - Okay, so two more.
- Okay. I will try. - LARRY: Wow.
- I'm gonna try, for you. - That's-- Okay. You know what?
I'd like to return the favor. I'd like to get you--
- Really? - Yeah, let me buy you something.
You wanna know what I really want?
Yeah.
Vaginal rejuvenation surgery.
A tightening, a lifting, you know, the labial lips,
- I'd like them evened out. - Tighten. Lift and tighten.
IRMA: 'Cause you know something?
- Hmm. - I love my daughter, Larry,
but she destroyed me down here...
- Oh. - ...when she was born.
- Kegel, Kegel. Yeah. - [GRUNTS] Lifting, lifting up.
And I'm kegeling, I'm ke-- You know what? Does not work.
- Mm-hmm. - Also, when I get excited,
I jump up suddenly, like at a sports game or something,
a little, little, little, little pee-pee escapes.
I wanna be with you, courtside...
- LARRY: Yeah. - ...watching a great game.
I wanna wear white pants with you,
so the whole thing is such a win-win for you...
- Yeah. - ...for me,
sexually, you know, medically.
But, you know, it's not just for me.
- Yeah, yeah. - It's for us.
Okay, okay. We'll get that done.
- We'll get that done. - Darling, I'm excited!
You're not gonna regret it. Oh, I gotta borrow your car.
- LARRY: What? - Yeah, I-- I'm out of gas.
Keys out on-- in the foyer, in the--
Yeah, it's in the... Okay. [EXHALES]
- [CHUCKLES] Yeah. - This area.
- Yeah. - Oh, fufu surgery,
a designer vagina!
- Where are the keys? - I told you they're in the bowl!
- IRMA: What? - The bowl!
♪ [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[GROANING IN DISTANCE]
- Oh, my God! Are you okay? Huh? - Yeah. Yeah.
- Stay still, don't move. - Okay.
- BEN CALLAHAN: Ow, my neck... - I'm gonna call an ambulance.
Just don't... Uh, yeah, a little bit.
You're gonna be okay.
Hang in there. Hang in there. You're gonna be all right.
Oh, here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Okay.
- [SIREN WAILS] - BEN: Thank you.
Here he is.
- What's your name, sir? - BEN: My name is Ben.
- Ben, Ben Callahan. - Okay.
- Do you have any neck pain? - My neck really hurts, yeah.
Okay, try not to move it.
Get the stationary bike in your house, you got the TV,
it's so much better than-- than going on the streets here.
PARAMEDIC: Just try not to talk.
I think even roller skates is-- is better.
I think roller skating is safer than a bicycle.
Can you just let me do my job? Who cares about roller skating?
Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely.
Roller-skating's kind of fun, too.
- I think it's more fun. - Do you wanna help?
- Do you wanna-- - No, I'm helping.
- Okay, Ben? - BEN: Yeah.
We're gonna get you in an ambulance, you're gonna be fine.
- BEN: Okay. - Yeah! I told him that before.
Thanks. Do you wanna be a paramedic?
I don't know why you need to be a part of this anymore.
- Step back! Step back! - I'm stepping back.
PARAMEDIC: Okay, buddy, we're
All right, you're gonna be fine, Ben.
- Thank you. - LARRY: Good luck!
[SIREN WAILS]
Wait a second. Hey! My sweater! Hey, my sweater!
♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES]
- Thank you. Okay, bye. - [INDISTINCT PA ANNOUNCEMENT]
was admitted here today, Ben Callahan.
He was in a bike accident.
He had to have a few stiches but he's gonna be okay.
- Oh, he's gonna be okay? Great. - Yes.
He's in, uh, room 406.
- Four-o-six? - Yes.
- And wh-- where's that? - Oh, it's right there.
LARRY: Oh, oh, that's my sweater.
Excuse me! You can't go in there.
What-- what are you talking about?
- My sweater is right over there. - NURSE: No.
You can't go in and get the sweater.
What? Why? You don't understand.
I discovered him lying on the ground.
It was cold, I took my sweater off.
And now you're saying I can't get my sweater back?
How do I know that's your sweater?
Oh, yeah, that's how I got my wardrobe.
I go around to hospitals, and I look in rooms
and I say, "Oh, that's mine." And they give it to me.
Yeah, that's how I got the shirt
- and the, uh, and the pants. - That could be your hustle.
Okay, all right, how about this? Could you just tell him
that Larry David is here to get his sweater back?
He's resting right now, I can't do that.
- Is he resting or sleeping? - What's the difference?
[SIGHS] Well,
and I completely understand that.
But if you're resting, and you're just laying down
with your eyes open, that's nothing.
Every day I rest. And I could talk to anybody
- when I'm resting. - I'm not gonna disturb
the patient just to ask him about your sweater.
How is that a disturbance? A person is laying in bed.
He's asked a question. He doesn't even have to say
yes or no. He can just nod, "Yes."
If go in there, I'm disturbin' him.
That's a disturbance? A human presence
- is a disturbance? - If he's resting, yes.
- Would you hand him a note? - NURSE: Yeah, I could do that.
Downstairs, first floor.
- Just hand him that note, okay? - NURSE: Mm-hmm.
- It's sad. - It is.
- ♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] - [ELEVATOR BEEPS]
- Hi, how can I help you? - Hi. Um...
- Okay. - Um...
DOCTOR: Uh, how are we looking for the rest of the day?
Oh, uh, your two o'clock surgery's been cancelled.
Okay, thank you.
Oh, hey, excuse me?
- Yeah. - You're a doctor?
Uh, yes, I am.
Do you do vaginal rejuvenation surgery?
That's what we do here, I specialize in it, yes.
How long does it put a person out of...
commission for?
Tightening and a lift?
taking about three days off of work,
- no heavy lifting. - No, no, no, no, no. I'm...
- you know, intercourse. - [CHUCKLES]
- Six to eight weeks, probably. - Six to eight weeks?
- DOCTOR: Yeah. - No kidding.
Huh!
Oh, it's a lot of work. Lotsa, lotsa, lotsa work.
♪ [WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- Hey. - Oh, hey!
- ba-dump-bump situation. - Oh, yeah?
Susie's had her eye on this vase...
vase, in Beverly Hills, which is so expensive.
However, downtown LA, I found a guy named Igor,
same exact vase, you can't tell 'em apart.
- Half the price. - Wow!
Yeah. Ugh. And this will be a weight lifted.
Boy, this is amazing, what you've got going,
this whole risk reward life.
The risk is my reward.
You're like an outlaw. [LAUGHS]
JEFF GREENE: Well, that's what you gotta do.
- Look at her. - Oh...
- LARRY: Sitting in my chair. - JEFF: I mean, constantly.
Her seat is two seats back.
- You see it right there. - Yeah. Yeah.
That's under instructions from her father, believe me.
Oh, look, now he's taking over.
LARRY: They just want to taunt me.
I don't think I've ever hated someone as much in my life
as I do this guy.
Hey, I think the espresso machine's broken again.
Who's in charge of that? Is that you?
Geez.
- Oh, my God. - We've only got two weeks
until we start shooting.
- Gotta make it happen. - Yeah, I know.
Hey, I'm gonna need one of those earpieces.
♪ [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Wow. Look at all this...
JEFF: It's nice, there's so much. Wow.
- Hello. - Oh, Hi!
My name is Igor. I run Prospr.
How can I help you?
- We spoke on-- - We spoke on the phone about the vase?
Nice to see you. You brought a friend?
- Yes. - Is that okay? Larry.
Oh, shplendid.
Boy, you got a lot of stuff in here.
Yes.
Anything with blood on it. Won't take that.
- No blood? - I don't want to know.
Where's all this stuff come from?
Most of this comes from, uh,
women who died at Park La Brea Apartments.
- JEFF: Oh. - Yes, they get married,
they get old, they die.
- I go in with the truck. - Interesting.
- I agree. Yeah. - Yeah.
you're shplendid. You, look around.
- Okay. - You're not leaving here until you buy something.
- Shplendid. - IGOR: You're gonna buy
something my friend.
- [WHISPERS] Hey, half price. - [CLATTERING]
- Half the price. - Half the price.
- [GRUNTS] Here we are. - JEFF: Okay.
- That is it. Oh. - A little dirty.
- What you think? - That is the vase.
- I'm sure. Yeah, yeah. - Yeah?
- My, uh, my wife. - Oh!
[CHUCKLES] You're in a little bit of trouble?
- I'd say. - He's a little bit in trouble.
- Yeah. - Shplendid, shplendid,
- It's a little dirty-- - It's a little bit dirty.
I will--
- LARRY: You know what? - Yeah?
Fantastic, shplendid, shplendid.
- Thank you so much. - LARRY: Goodbye, Igor.
- You feel like eating? - I'm hungry, yeah.
- What do you wanna do? - JEFF: I don't know.
You know what,
Why don't we go in the hotel and ask the concierge?
The concierge always knows.
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER] - ♪ [AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYS]
- Excuse me? - Hello.
- [LAUGHS] - LARRY: Hi.
Welcome, welcome to the Hotel Concordia.
My name is Gregor. How can I help you?
- Oh, that's okay. - We were shopping
Oh, Prospr.
- Was it? Yeah, yeah. - Prospr. Yeah.
Okay, okay. What'd you get there?
- A-- a vase, for my, uh, wife. - You in doghouse?
- Yeah. - Yeah. He's in the doghouse.
- He's in the doghouse. Yeah. - [LAUGHS]
- Anyway, um... - Yes?
...we were just wondering, we're pretty hungry,
we'd love to get some lunch in the area.
- Can you recommend any? - I have a great place for you.
- Yeah? - Cafe Cukor.
- LARRY: Cafe Cukor? - Best food in the city.
- You take a left. - Okay.
Go through the exit, you take a left.
Okay. Great. Cafe Cukor?
- Cafe Cukor. - Cafe Cukor, shplendid place.
- LARRY: Oh. - [GREGOR LAUGHS]
Um, anything you'd recommend?
Goulash. Goulash.
I-- I don't know if I'm a goulash guy.
- Oh, you look like goulash guy. - I look like a goulash guy?
- You look like you love goulash. - Come on, Gregor.
- I've never had goulash. - Me either.
Nice knowing you, pre-goulash.
[LAUGHS] Thank you, Gregor.
- [LAUGHS] - Thanks, Gregor.
♪ [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[CAR BEEPS]
♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES]
Morning Becomes Eclectic.
[RADIO CONTINUES PLAYING]
Whoa! Whoa! Hey! Hey, asshole!
- Watch where you're going. - [DOG BARKING]
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
♪ [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Unbelievable!
♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
I mean, this is terrible.
- I don't know, this is inedible. - [GRUNTS]
This is just one of the worst things
I've ever had in my life, I swear to God.
- He said it was great. - Why would Gregor recommend
this place? I don't understand it.
My name is Timor. Uh, I hope everything is shplendid?
The goulash?
It's not very good.
- Oh, no! - No.
Extraordinarily bad.
- Yeah. - This is bad news.
- The potatoes are-- are hard... - No.
...the beef is tough.
- I don't know-- - Maybe we're not goulash guys.
I-- I just figured I'd be honest with you,
- that's all, you know. - JEFF: Yeah.
Uh, okay.
- No, never. - We're the first?
First ever. Can I try your goulash?
You wanna try that?
- Of course, sure. - We're done.
Mm. That is good goulash.
[CLEARS THROAT] Oh, that is good.
- LARRY: Uh-huh. Really? - Yeah.
- you know. - Yeah. Yeah, no...
This pains me that you do not like the goulash.
I take this as a personal affront.
- [SIGHS] - But I want to pay you back
'cause I feel bad. Let me let you in on a little secret.
Down the street is the best pet store in Los Angeles.
Timor, who owns this pet store?
- Bulvor. Bulvor. - Bulvor?
Are you related to Gregor, the concierge
at the Concodia Hotel?
- No. - Hmm. What about Igor,
the antique dealer?
No.
Mmm.
No relation.
You guys want me to wrap this up?
We'll just take a check.
Let's go talk to Gregor.
♪ [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
Hey, there they are. [LAUGHS]
So, how was it?
- Awful. - Awful.
No!
- It was just awful. - Oh, no, no, no, no!
- Yes. Yes. - Yeah.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, how do you recommend a restaurant like that?
Maybe you just had a off day, I don't know what to tell you,
- I mean, but, uh... - LARRY: Let me ask you this, Gregor.
- Yes? - Do you know Timor?
- Do you know Igor? - [LAUGHS] Okay.
I don't know who-- who are these people
- that I'm supposed to know? - Igor from Prospr.
Timor from Cukor.
I-- no, I don't know, uh, any Timor.
Why is it you all look alike, and you have "or"
- on the end of your names. - I...
- You all say, "Shplendid." - I say, "Shplendid" all the time.
You say, "Shplendid," they say, "Shplendid."
Who doesn't say "Shplendid" in their life--
I've never said splendid with him in my life.
Nobody-- nobody else says, "Shplendid."
Okay, I am not buying any of this.
I think you're all in cahoots. You're getting a kickback.
- Kickback? - You're recommending somebody
for the recommendation.
Come on.
- This is Star Wars. - No, no, no, this is not fantasy.
This is spaceship to moon. This is nothing.
You know what's so disappointing about this?
- What? - Americans have lost
complete faith in their institutions,
their politicians, their priests, the policeman
But we depend on the concierge
to give us advice and recommendations.
Where's the best nail salon around here?
Where can I go for a jog?
You are the last bastion of trust.
And if we no longer trust our concierge...
then we have nothing.
Emerald Nail Salon is down the street.
Okay, Gregor. Come on, let's go.
MacArthur Park is-- is wonderful.
LARRY: Yeah.
ACTOR 2: [ON TV] Okay, we're coming. Come on.
Now listen, John. You're a pitcher, now get in...
You know, about the, uh,
vaginal rejuvenation, I'm-- I'm-- I'm--
[INHALES] I'm having second thoughts.
- What? - I looked things up, I saw some
of the images on the computer of inflammation and hematomas
- and I-- - Don't think of the down side.
What you have to focus on is the upside.
- The tightening and the lift. - [GRUNTS]
- And the beautiful... - IRMA: Yeah.
- ...the beautiful vagina... - IRMA: Yeah, yeah, I-- I--
- ...that's going to emerge. - Yes! But I gotta stop
Googling "vagina."
- It's not a big deal. - I wish I could... [INHALES]
...talk to somebody who's had it done.
All right, well we'll get you somebody to talk to.
- [DOORBELL RINGING] - Oh.
MAN ON TV: Who wrote that speech for you?
- [KNEE CLICKING] - Oh, my God!
Your knees when you stand.
It's like somebody's marching--
- Huh. - I'm here to apologize.
- Yeah. Okay. - All right?
I never should've screamed at Irma.
- Hey. - I feel terrible
about what I said to her at the party.
If you really wanna make nice...
...tell her you got vaginal rejuvenation surgery.
Why? Why? Why would I do that?
And this'll put her out of commission
for six weeks. So...
- LARRY: There you go. - All right.
And she wants to talk to somebody who had it.
- So, just tell her you had it. - So my vagina has to get
involved in this whole fucking thing?
Just tell her it's been great. You've had great sex
and it looks great, whatever.
I'll do this for you. You gotta do something for me.
- Name it. - There's this really,
really gorgeous, expensive vase I want.
- Hmm, a vase. - Get Jeff to buy me that vase,
I'll tell her I did a million different things
- to my vagina. - That's... What?
I have to talk Jeff into getting you
- Okay, deal. - And what did I have done?
You know, you had, uh, tightening,
- and, uh, and a lift. - Oh, God!
[LAUGHS]
...please, please accept my apology.
- I feel-- - Get out the way,
I'll turn this off.
I feel horrible, I just--
I-- I can't even tell you what came over.
Jeff, my fucking husband, Jeff, has been cheating on me,
and I thought it was you.
And I just-- I went crazy, and it wasn't you.
It was this little putain who works for the Hulu guy, and--
Wait, why would I want to schtup your husband,
you know, when I'm with this incredible man?
Look at this beautiful senior that I'm with,
- you know, I mean-- - I went crazy, I went crazy.
Yeah, she feels--
I've had gas ever since. I have my bubble back.
I can't sleep, I've been, ugh, my...
- Okay, okay. She's apologized. - IRMA: It was what you heard.
Can you accept her apology?
I will be the better person and I will accept your apology.
I mean, I don't think you're the better person, she's the one who's apologizing.
She the better person for apologizing.
Okay, I accept. I accept your apology.
- Fantastic. And now... - Yes.
...Susie has something else...
- Oh! - ...she like to tell you.
So, I hear that you're interested
in a vaginal rejuvenation. Is that correct?
- You told her? - You said you want to talk
to someone who had one. What better person?
- So, what did you get done? - I got a tightening and a lift.
Did you get the labial reconstruction too?
The labia, the-- the clitoris, the--
The clitoris, they unhooded it?
- The-- Ye-- Yeah-- - You had the hood taken--
Yeah, yes, it made everything better. I don't know the details.
Yeah, yeah, they took the hood off the clitoris.
- Yeah. Okay. - Everything is better--
Susie...
could I, you know, take a look?
At my vagina?
you know, she'll show you the vagina another time.
- Another time. - But that would help
- Have a vagina viewing another time. - Another time.
- You know what?
- Okay. - SUSIE GREENE: Great to see you.
Thanks for the apology. Thank you.
♪ [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- [ECG MONITOR BEEPS] - ♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES]
- Larry, right? Hi. - [CHUCKLES] Hey!
BEN: I'm so grateful to you, thank you so much for...
How you doing?
You know, I've, uh, been better, been worse.
- [CHUCKLES] - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, you're on your way to get a soy latte, and then--
- then you're here. - Oh. Did you notice
there was a sweater on that chair over there,
the sweater I gave you? I gave it to you to keep you warm.
I was kind of in and out of consciousness.
- I-- I don't remember a sweater. - Was anybody else here?
The nurses, my wife, my wife's been in the room.
Your wife. I wonder if you wouldn't mind
just giving her a quick call
to ask her if she saw a sweater in the room?
I'm not gonna call my wife about a sweater, Larry.
She's got a lot going on right now.
She's studying for her real estate license.
I'm not gonna bother her with a sweater, but...
We're talking about five seconds.
- A phone rings-- - BEN: Yeah.
when you were here?" "Uh... No."
- Hangs up. Or, "Yes." Hangs up. - BEN: L-- Larry, I'm not gonna--
I don't wanna-- I don't wanna interrupt,
I'll-- I'll try, yeah. I'll try.
- What does that mean? - BEN: Yeah, I'll try.
What does that mean, "You'll try"?
You know what, Larry?
- Now I need to rest. I-- - But you are resting,
you're laying-- you're laying on a bed. You're resting.
Larry. I'm in a serious condition.
but you're resting. You're laying down on a bed...
I wanna rest with my eyes closed.
Oh, you wanna sleep?
So, you consider resting as something done
with your eyes closed only?
Look, I've-- I gotta get back to resting, please, Larry.
LARRY: Okay. Fine.
Don't look under my bed.
There's nothing in this room for you, Larry.
LARRY: Oh, Jesus Christ.
[SIGHS]
- [SIGHS] - LARRY: I was just
talking to Ben. I'm curious...
uh, as to whether or not you ever saw his wife
coming out of his room with a blue sweater?
Oh, I don't know.
You mean you don't know if you saw her?
Or you don't know if you saw her with a sweater?
- I'm busy working. - Yeah, I understand you're busy
and you're working, but that doesn't preclude you
from noticing things.
would you notice the elephant even though you were working?
If I'm busy, real busy, it might just get by me.
So, the elephant would escape your attention?
Nobody's ever found anything in the lost and found,
especially the person who lost it.
My name, my number.
How about if I stick it right up here?
Is that blocking anything?
If you see anybody enter or leave that room
with a blue sweater,
I'd really appreciate it if you'd call me.
I'll try.
- You couldn't just say yes? - I'll see what I can do.
Oh, you'll see what you can do? I gotta tell you something,
I don't get this hospital. Nobody can multitask,
nobody can be disturbed when they're resting.
Nobody can be bothered when they're busy.
I pray to God nothing ever happens to me
and I wind up in this place.
That'll take my clothes off, they'll operate,
I'll never see the clothes again.
You'll have to wheel me out of here naked.
LARRY: All I'm saying is if I were a ghost,
wh-- why not haunt? What else you got to do?
There's nothing else, that's the whole agenda.
Yeah, it's fun, haunting must be fun.
- Hey, Igor! All ready? - How you doing?
Um, I changed my mind.
The vase is no longer, uh, for sale.
Are you not in business to sell vases?
I am, but this happens, you know?
It's sentimental value.
'Cause Timor talked to Gregor, and Gregor talked to Igor.
Isn't that how it works? Right?
You accusing me of shneeking around,
you accuse me of being a shneek?
You-- you're implying I'm shneeky?
We had a deal. What are you doing?
Well, I guess your wife's not gonna fuck you anymore,
and that's on you. I can do whatever I want.
Oh, what? Because we didn't like the goulash?
- That's why you're doing this? - Why are you talking about goulash?
Oh, you know what I'm talking about. You know, I know,
that's what happened. Gregor talked to you,
"Don't sell vase. "They do not like the goulash."
and you say, "Okay, okay, Gregor."
You're insane person.
You know what you're talking about.
IGOR: You go live on the streets.
- I'm about to shnap. - LARRY: Go ahead and shnap.
- I will shnap. - Go ahead. Let's go!
- Get out of here. - Fine. And I know your brothers.
- I know your brothers. - Go play with Tinkertoy,
you fucking child.
and that asshole who runs that fucking pet store,
Bulvor, he's your brother too, probably.
♪ [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- STAFF: There you go. - Thank you.
Oh, my God!
Horrible. Ten thousand dollars.
Hey, have you ever heard me, uh, here is the term "fun fact"?
- No. - That's 'cause I never have.
- 'cause I have a fun fact. - You've a fun fact?
[CHUCKLES] I do. The Eskimos have 17 words for "snow"
I don't know if that fact is fun.
Look what it says about the Eskimo though.
- 'cause they're so perfect... - Right. Right.
...or they just don't give a fuck.
I hate your blubber, live with it.
JEFF: I just don't think that's a fun fact.
What the-- Holy shit!
That's Ben, he's got-- he's got my sweater.
- JEFF: What? - He's got my sweater on.
That's the guy form the hospital.
- He got my sweater. - What?
What...
Oh. Oh, shit.
- Oh, fuck. Ah, jeez. - Oh, shit!
Did you forget we're transporting
- something very delicate? - You should have
- wrapped it better. - You should have not hit
- the brakes. - Well, what do you--
Where the hell did he go?
- Ah, shit. - JEFF: I don't even know
- what I'm gonna do. - You know what? All right.
- I'll-- I'll pay for it. - Thank you. Thank you very much.
I will accept that.
What-- what are you talking about?
I just figured I'd make an insincere gesture,
you would grudgingly say, "No, you'll pay half
and we'll split it," and we'd both be unhappy
- with the compromise. - Fun fact,
if you make an insincere gesture,
the other person might accept it.
Fun fact, even if I make an insincere gesture,
the other person should grudgingly pay for half.
- How is that a fact? - It's not a fact,
- and it's not fun. - Yeah. I know.
Now, what I am gonna get Susie?
- I don't know, I'll talk to her. - JEFF: You will?
- Yeah. - I hope that wasn't insincere.
- No, it was begrudging. - Good, we're clear.
♪ [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
- SUSIE: Oh, hey, Lar. - LARRY: Hey.
- Can I talk to you for a minute? - Yeah, come on in.
Um... Maybe you better sit down.
- No, I'm good. What's up? - Uh... Take-- take a seat.
I'm good. I'm good standing.
You know what Winston Churchill said?
- What? - "Why stand when you can sit?"
Did you just come over here to tell me to listen
to everything Winston Churchill said? What do you want?
Do you say, vase or vase?
I say vase.
Your vase broke.
- Smashed, broke. - Well, I guess
you're just gonna have to go get another one.
Because if you don't, Larry, I am gonna sit the lovely
Irma Kostroski down,
and I'm gonna tell her horror after horror
about the vaginal rejuvenation surgery.
I'm gonna tell her that I had a hematoma
- the size of fucking Kansas. - No. No, don't.
That I had necrosis. That my labia was so swollen,
- I couldn't walk for months. - No.
Her worst nightmare.
Oh, gee, I wish you wouldn't do that.
But we had a deal. Vase for vaginal rejuvenation.
- So get me vase. - Okay.
♪ [INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
My grandmother, she used to make goulash,
and it was a little different than yours.
I guess I had a trouble making the transition
to a different goulash.
I just hope that you'll accept my apology.
I was a hundred percent in the wrong.
Saying that you and Timor and Igor's brother
when in fact, you probably
have no relationship with them at all.
And the more I thought about it,
how could they possibly be your brothers,
even though you speak
I would venture to say if you all shaved,
you-- you might all look like triplets.
So, I'm sorry if I offended or insulted you in any way.
- So you are goulash guy? - Yes.
All right, that takes a big man.
I appreciate it, big man. I accept your apology.
And by the way, if you ever wanna tell me
why you're keeping the relationship a secret...
Would you like to apologize for little sketch you did
when you did the voice of what I sound like?
I was just trying to recreate what it in my
warped imagination may have occurred.
If it did, you would've said, "I am so sorry, Timor,
this is a vase, this is business.
Who cares if he didn't like your goulash?
I've tried your goulash, not so good."
- Wrap it up. - Anyway, that's why I am here,
to offer you my-- my apology, and I would also...
- like to buy the vase. - Ten thousand dollars.
You were going to sell it to my friend for 5,000.
Yes, but I understand Seinfeld is in syndication.
- Okay. - Shplendid.
- Hey. Asshole! Yeah. - What?
Yeah, you. You almost killed me and my dog the other day.
No-- What? What are you talking about?
- asshole! - I wasn't even driving.
I'll beat your fucking ass right now,
you skinny little bitch. Come on! Let's go.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
- [VASE SHATTERING] - [GRUNTS]
- [LAUGHS] - [DOG BARKS]
[VASE CLATTERING]
[IRMA SIGHS]
- vaginal surgery. - What are you d-- Why?
Well, Susie gave me a little sneak peek and...
[GRUNTS] ...I do not want any part of that.
It was like a-- a melted cave.
If this is what the doctor did to her,
oh, heaven forbid, I should do anything like that. Oh!
Oh, my God!
SUSIE: Jeff, I am not mad at you about the vase anymore.
- JEFF: Really? - Yeah.
- What? - 'Cause I came up with something
- I'd rather have. - What? Tell me.
Vaginal rejuvenation surgery.
You wanna rejuvenate your vagina?
Yes, they do a tightening and a lift.
Hmm. You got it.
So, y-- you're not getting the surgery?
No. We wouldn't be able to make love for six weeks.
That'd be a torture. A torture, right?
[MUMBLES] Well, no.
- Oh, yes! - Oh, God.
- Oh, come on. Let me nuzzle you. - Oh, no.
Ah. I can't... [GROANS]
♪ ["CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM" THEME MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
♪ [THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES]