I love you, America! And you love me!
From Hollywood, it's Jimmy Kimmel Live.
Tonight, Maria Sofia Estrada.
Maria Sofia, it is a great pleasure to have you here.
If you haven't seen Young Larry, she steals the show. Absolutely.
- You're a show stealer. - That's true. Yeah, I am.
And obviously, confidence is not an issue with you.
So why do you think you got this part?
I was the best, clearly.
So, is there a lot of improv on the show?
Yes, there's a script, but I make up most of my own lines,
put my own spin on the words, make it better.
I have a structured settlement, But I need cash now,
Call J.G. Wentworth, Eight-Double-Seven-CASH-NOW.
I have some big annuities, but I need cash now,
Call J.G. Wentworth.
Could you stop with that commercial? I don't want to hear that.
- Don't sing that in the house. - I want to stop, I can't stop.
Well, stop!
- Where's the oat milk? - Right here.
Mister I'm never going to stop drinking almond milk.
Because what did I tell you about almond milk?
Remember again? What did we say?
The water that they use in this state for these almonds
and the methophexohexadine, they're killing the bees.
I'm sorry you're unhappy, Larry, but as her sponsor,
I'm telling you, she simply cannot handle a breakup.
How long are we talking?
They say no changes for the first 90 days in the program.
But with Irma, I mean, minimum six months.
Six months?
I need you to promise me, Larry. Six months.
Promise me, Larry.
Yeah, oat milk. That's it. That's the way to go.
If you go past the pharmacy, this is for my hammer toe.
I'm not going to the golf club.
But you will go before I do, so would you get me these?
I don't care if they're black, white, extra-large.
I have a structured settlement, but I need cash now,
Call J.G. Wentworth, 877-CASH-NOW
Siri, directions to Wolfs Glen.
Directions to Great Wolf Lodge.
No! Siri, Wolfs Glen Restaurant.
One option I see, Wood's Garden Supply on Benedict Canyon.
Siri! Wolfs Glen Restaurant in Westwood.
One option I see, The Woolsey Restaurant in Burbank.
No! No, you're not listening!
I said Wolfs Glen restaurant in Westwood.
A wolfs den is a habitat that provides wolves with protection...
No, you stupid fucking idiot! It's Wolfs Glen restaurant in Westwood!
One option I see, Jay Wolf Clothing.
No! You fuck! Wolves Glen Restaurant!
Sorry, I didn't get that.
Oh my God, you fucking moron! It's Wolfs Glen, you cunt!
Bundt cake is a cake that is baked in a bundt pan.
I said, you cunt!
- Sorry, I didn't get that. - I called you a cunt.
One option I see, Carson City, Nevada.
Shut up!
- One option I see, Wool Glove. - Shut the fuck up!
- Sorry, I didn't get that. - Fuck you!
Somebody is paying you to just show up at a birthday party in Atlanta?
Yeah, rich guy. They're paying him a ton of money.
Really? Who is this guy? How does he even know who you are?
He's a wealthy businessman from Africa who loves Young Larry.
Yeah, Maria Sofia's gonna be there, too.
Well, now it makes sense. She's the draw.
By the way, Leon's going with us
'cause his Auntie Rae lives in Atlanta. Remember her?
I remember Auntie Rae. Send her my regards.
So what are you going to do, tell some jokes or something?
No, this is good. I'm glad you brought this up.
I want this in the contract, okay? I'm not gonna do any speeches.
I'm not gonna do any stand-up. I'm not gonna do any toasts.
I'll mingle, I'll shake hands and I'll be cordial.
Do you even know how to be cordial?
I think so. Do I?
- I would guess you do. - I don't think I can, but I'll try.
Are we getting any food here? This is unbelievable.
It's been half a fucking hour already.
I got soup and a sandwich. My God. Excuse me.
We've been sitting here for a half hour waiting for our food.
I'm so sorry about that. Your server, Benny, he's a little distracted.
His mother passed away a couple of days ago.
Few days ago and he comes into work?
What's he coming in for?
If he's all upset, then he should be home in mourning.
- And you can't complain, obviously. - No, you can't go to the manager.
- It's a no-win situation. - Now he gets a condolence tip.
Yeah. You got no choice.
Hey, let me ask you a question. What's going on here?
- What? - This is new.
I don't know what you're talking about.
You decided to just dye your hair?
What? You don't know that it's brown and it was gray last week?
- What are you doing that for? - l like it.
Yeah, you like it?
You sure Lady Macbeth didn't have anything to do with that?
You wish you had a wife that cared about you. You wish you had a wife.
I almost did a spit take.
Jeff, you made this choice by your own free will. Is that right? Tell him!
- Finally. There's our food. - Benny.
I heard about your mother. I'm so sorry.
Thank you so much for saying that.
- What's he doing? - This could take forever now.
I mean, you only get one mother. I'm devastated, to be honest.
Thank you.
He's talking about his mother. This is unbelievable.
And there's my soup! It's sitting there getting cold.
I ordered a tuna melt. That's fucked.
But it was the sepsis that killed her.
- I am so fucking hungry. - I'm starving, too.
Sorry.
It's just a lot to process, you know?
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Did you tell Auntie Rae that you're coming,
or are you going to surprise her?
She's not good with surprises. You can't do that shit to old people.
I almost killed a uncle like that.
This motherfucker was in the tub taking a fucking bath.
He was like, 'What the fuck?"
And the motherfucker died like this.
- You can't surprise an old person. - You can't do that. Know what I mean?
I know. Why do you keep asking me if I know what you mean?
It wasn't that difficult. It's not science.
You made a very simple statement. Yeah, I know what you mean.
Look at this. Fucking you again.
- Third or fourth time today. - Jeez! Another butt dial.
- Oh, man. I'm sorry. - It puts me in a bad spot.
Puts me in the worst spot. Because I called a guy last week,
I hadn't spoken to him in 14 years,
and so I got to pretend that I was calling him.
And then the next thing you know, you're having dinner.
See, me, I carry my phone in my front pocket.
But sometimes I dick dial people by mistake.
You make a dick dial?
One time I ordered a pizza by mistake. This motherfucker shows up, I said,
"What the fuck is this?" "You ordered a pizza earlier."
Wow, my fucking dick. And sometimes I can hear my dick dialing a number.
You know what I mean? I'm like, "What the fuck are you doing?
I do know what you're saying. Do you know what I mean?
- Know what I mean? - You know what I mean?
- Do you know what I mean? - Here she is.
Oh, boy!
They call that shit DTM. Doing too much.
It's hard to watch, isn't it?
Well, look who's here. The princess has arrived.
- Cutting it kind of close, no? - The plane won't take off without me.
What is this?
This is my emotional support dog, Pechuca.
Emotional support dog? What a scam.
They shouldn't let you on the plane if you're that mentally unstable.
- It is not a scam. - This dog is overweight.
They're gonna charge you 200 dollars extra on the flight.
Dogs are like goldfish. You can over feed this motherfucker.
Can you not fat shame my dog?
You can't insult a dog. They don't know.
Yes, she does.
You need self-awareness to understand someone's shaming you.
This dog is not going to turn around and go, "What the fuck you say?"
Look, watch this. Hey, fat fuck.
You're a fat ass. You fucking fat. You a short, fat ass dog.
Look at that. See? The dog don't know.
Come on, Pechuca. I don't wanna be late.
And Pechuca, they got a meal on the flight. Don't do it.
Don't you eat nothing else.
See that? I bet he heard that part.
Yeah, you told him.
Housekeeping!
Come in.
Hey. Good morning.
There's a problem?
- What's with the eye roll? - I come back.
Wait a second. I don't understand. Did I do something wrong?
This is a typical room. There's clothes strewn about.
I see there's underwear and socks.
- I come back. - That's what people do at a hotel.
Socks, underwear on the floor. You don't care. You're not home.
I'm completely bewildered by this whole thing.
I mean, this was a typical room.
By the way, I'm very considerate of housekeeping.
You should know this. I guarantee you there'll be a tip for you in this room.
I come back.
I feel like somehow I've disappointed you.
What have I done? I'm just staying in a hotel.
Is this your first room you've ever cleaned?
This is what a hotel is. Oh my God!
Let's go, Pechuca.
I love you. Come on, Pechuca. Come on, baby.
Oh, my goodness! You made it. It's so good to see you.
Lord have mercy. Look at you.
I brought you a gift.
You know, you are as sweet in person as you are on camera.
You got one, too. Okay. Thank you, baby. Come on in.
Larry, I got to show you something. Can you tell me who that is?
Oh, boy! Look at that. Look at that handsome lad.
I had a 4.0 APA, Ass-Point-Average.
In high school, I was the valedictorian of tapping ass.
You know what, Larry? It is so good to see you.
- You look fantastic, by the way. - So do you.
I do, really? What's that?
We got to get the vote out.
This a very important one, Larry. And in two days.
I heard about this. I read about that.
I want you to help yourself to some of my hors d'oeuvres.
Listen, come on, baby. We gon' serve your wine for lunch.
That does not look good at all. It really looks inedible.
What are you doing?
You took my glasses.
I love it. Thank you.
- Why'd you take my glasses? - She wanted to try a new style.
I wanted to see what your glasses looked like on her.
- You could have asked me. - You would have said no.
- Are you serious? - I can see well through 'em.
I think we might have the same prescription.
- Can I have my glasses back, please? - All right, fine. Here.
What the hell?
- What's wrong? - What's wrong? They don't fit.
- You stretched them out. - No, I didn't.
They must have been like that when she gave them to me.
Look at the size of her head. Are you kidding?
You can't just take a pair of glasses and try them on.
You have a big head. Dare I say, freakish?
- No, I don't have a big head. - It's excessive.
You got a peanut head like Mr. Peanut.
Look at this! Look! They won't stay on my face.
Fine! Listen, I got a spare pair of glasses.
I will bring them to you so you can wear them. I'll be right back.
What's wrong with you?
The glasses are fragile. She's got a giant fucking head.
- She ruined my glasses. - What is the big deal?
The big deal is I'm in Atlanta. I don't have a spare pair.
I got the party tonight. There's no time and I can't wear these.
This motherfucker can't see for shit.
Man, what the fuck are you doing? Get your fat ass off my jacket.
- You crazy? - Pechuca is not fat.
I told your pudgy ass before to stay off my shit.
- Do not talk to Pechuca like that. - Cut out the foolishness!
Here are the glasses. Now I'm going to give them to you on loan.
But remember, you got to give them back to me before you leave Georgia.
- This is ridiculous. - Just try them on.
You can see through 'em, right?
- Yeah, I can see. - Thank you. That's all I'm saying.
How do they look?
They look fucking ridiculous, with a peanut fucking head.
Oh, no!
Hey there.
Ligaya. Is that how you pronounce it?
Ligaya? What a beautiful name.
That is a really substantial, beautiful foreign name.
- I like it a lot. - Why you wear lady glasses?
Somebody broke my glasses, essentially.
But, you know, speaking of glasses, by the way,
can I give you a hypothetical?
If a guest dropped glasses in the toilet,
who fishes the glasses out of the toilet?
Is that your department,
or is it the guest who's never put his hands in a toilet in his life?
Or the housekeeper who's very familiar with it
and is kind of desensitized in a way to the whole situation
and has gloves and has the equipment and a plan?
What do you do? It's a legitimate question.
I have job. I have work.
No, but what about the glasses? Do you get the glasses out of the toilet?
You get 'em yourself!
What? Hey! They're not mine. I never said they were my glasses.
That was a hypothetical. A hypothetical means it's possible
and maybe not possible. It's just a question.
You know, you're quite a farbissiner.
All right, look at this.
All right, here we go.
Oh, my words. Larry David. Maria Sofia.
Wow, guys. Welcome! It's so nice to meet you, Larry.
Nice to meet you.
What an honor to have you guys in my house.
- Your house? - Yes.
- You're Michael Fouchay? - Yeah, Michael Fouchay.
- It's my birthday. - I thought you were African.
Yeah, I am. I'm South African. Born and raised in Joburg.
This is my friend Leon I was telling you about.
Leon Black.
- Put it there. Nice to meet you. - Nice house.
Welcome! Something's different. Something looks different.
Somebody stretched out my glasses with her big head,
so I'm wearing hers.
These actually look better than the ones he usually wears.
Oh my word. She's so quick, this one...
They actually do. They look very sort of arty.
You are so witty.
What is this?
You don't tell people you're from Africa if you're from South Africa.
If this motherfucker's African, I'm fucking...
Wat's the tittle boy in that fucking book,
with the freckles on his face, with the overalls and the fucking bare feet,
and he looked wet all the time?
- Huckleberry Finn. - Huckleberry fucking Finn.
We are so excited. There are so many people that want to meet you.
- Really? - Yes, absolutely.
Hey, where the fucking food at?
Outside there's an incredible buffet there.
Anything you want, please, make yourself absolutely at home.
- Say less. - Cheers, my brother.
You just lost about half the buffet.
We got plenty.
Listen, I especially want you to meet Brookie.
Never mind. We'll grab her now. She's just stepping out.
You're gonna love her.
You know, when people tell me I'm going to love someone,
I'm kind of programed not to like them.
So it's kind of a lose-lose for Brookie.
- Brooke. - Who?
Just call her Brooke. Her name's Brooke.
You just said Brookie.
Only her really close friends call her Brookie.
- So I can't call her Brookie? - No.
Can I introduce you to some of my guests?
Mingle, do some photos, that'd be amazing.
Can you sign one for me next?
My name is Allie. I think I'm your biggest fan.
The thing that really bothers me... I want to tell you something.
You know how there's green bags, clear bags in the grocery store.
They put clear where they should put green.
- And the green in the clear. - You understand?
Yeah, sure. Does this happen to you, too?
Okay. Oh shit!
So they put their two mascaras down. Hannah walked off with hers.
Hannah walked of with hers!
She did.
She walked off!
Oh shit. Goddamn birthday cake!
All right. Okay.
Okay. Have you noticed that when you take a picture,
you don't look nearly as good as you do when you look in the mirror?
Because the mirror is how you see yourself.
And the photo is how you're seen.
Fuck, that's deep.
- You ever been to Africa? - No. I would love to go, though.
I wonder if a Black man going to Africa is like a Jew going to Israel.
If you go to Israel to fuck, you know what I'm saying?
I'll tell you what. Let's plan a trip. We'll hit the Congo, you know?
- I like that. - And then, we'll go to Tel Aviv.
- I'll tap yours. You tap mine. - I love that. That is a trip.
Know what? I'm gonna go top this bitch off right here.
I'll see you in a minute, playboy
- Well, hello there! - Hello.
Michael insisted that I meet you. I'm Brooke.
- Yes, hi. Larry. - Nice to meet you, Larry.
Well, it's nice to meet you, Brookie.
- It's Brooke. - Excuse me?
It's Brooke. My name is Brooke.
- Brooke? - Yeah.
Michael told me about the Brooke-Brookie thing.
There's not a thing. My name is Brooke.
Michael calls you Brookie.
My good friends call me Brookie. People I just met call me Brooke.
How long does one need to know you before Brooke becomes Brookie?
- Brookie! - Oh my God, Carl!
I thought I saw you across the room.
- Did you meet Larry? - Not yet. Hi, Larry. I'm Carl.
We are tickled pink that you are here.
Thank you, Carl. Nice to meet you.
I got to get this out to Cynthia.
Good to see you. I'll catch up with you in a minute.
- So nice to meet you, Larr. - Bye, Brookie.
Bye!
- What was that? - Just saying bye to Brookie.
So you call her Brookie? How long have you known her?
Well, we met a few months ago at a dinner party.
And this is the second time you're seeing her?
Yeah, second time.
So you met once at a dinner party and you've been calling her Brookie?
- Yeah. - Did you call her Brookie then?
Yeah, l think so.
- She didn't say, "call me Brooke"? - No.
Are you aware of the Brooke-Brookie Rule?
No, I'm not.
Because you seem to be in violation of the Brooke-Brookie Rule.
Please, educate me. How am I in violation of this rule?
Well, only her close friends can call her Brookie.
Is there anybody else from that party here?
Yeah. Brookie.
- Anyone else? - Me. I'm Carl.
This is interesting. Very interesting.
- Is it? - Yes.
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.
Here we go. That's great. How's that? Should we do another one?
Larr! Get in here. Get in here. We're doing a group shot.
- We're doing a photo. - I can't do it now.
- A group shot. - Excuse me.
I got to tell you, I'm a little confused about the Brooke-Brookie rule.
- There's not a rule. - No, I beg to differ.
I think there is a rule. Now, Carl, who hardly knows you at all,
calls you Brookie,
whereas I was given very strict instructions by you to call you Brooke.
- Carl is a great guy. - Carl is not a great guy.
I just spoke to Carl. I didn't find Carl to be a great guy at all.
If I had a Larr-Larry Rule, Carl wouldn't be calling me Larr.
I can tell you that.
I'm so sorry. Do you want me to call you Larr?
No. because I don't have a Larr-Larry Rule.
I don't have a Brooke-Brookie rule.
You do have a Brooke-Brookie rule. And it only applies to me.
Larry, my name is Brooke. Have a good night.
Happy birthday.
Thank you, my brother. Thank you so much.
Really. Seriously.
Thank you so much. Honestly, anytime you're welcome back.
- Okay. All right. Okay. - Larry, cheers. Thanks, bye.
All right. We did it. Here we were.
We showed up at the party. We came out. Yep.
Yeah, interesting. Very interesting.
It was nice. Very good. Now it's done. It's all done.
- All right. Okay. - Okay.
What's up, y'all? I'm in a nice hotel.
Pechuca, no, wait! Pechuca!
Oh my God!
- What the hell? - You're standing in the way.
Your dog slobbered all over me.
Don't scream around, Pechuca, please. She's sensitive.
Now I got to go clean my pants.
Well, good. They were basic anyways.
Fucking dog.
Excuse me. You know where the restaurant is for breakfast?
Breakfast? Absolutely.
You know what? It's probably easier if I walk with you.
- I can just escort you myself. - That's not necessary. I can find it.
Just point me in the right direction.
It's my pleasure. It's not too far of a walk. I'm happy to take you.
You don't have to do that. I'll find it.
It's no trouble at all. I'll walk with you.
- Okay. - All right. Right this way.
What? Are you serious?
- She's the employee of the month? - She is. She's been here six years.
This is her last month.
No wonder.
- Hello. - Hey, I got some bad news.
Michael Fouchay doesn't want to pay you the appearance fee.
What are you talking about? Why?
I don't know. He's not returning my calls.
Not returning my emails. I don't know what to do.
What a nerve. Flew me all the way out here, he's not paying me?
- That's bullshit! - Yeah, it is bullshit.
I'm gonna go to his office. I have his card. I got the address.
- I'm getting my money. - You do that.
All right. Goodbye.
Hey, good to see you again.
A hundred and fifty mill? If he puts in 100 mill,
I'll match whatever Elon does. I was gonna fly in his plane.
Now he says I must take my own plane.
I don't mind. I'll take the plane. I just need to go.
Hang on a second. I need to call you back.
Larry, can I help you?
I just found out you're not paying me. Is that true?
Yeah, that is true.
Are you kidding?
Larry, I'm not paying you 'cause you're in violation of your contract.
Violation of the contract? What?
You said you were gonna be cordial. You weren't cordial.
You're saying to me that I wasn't cordial?
- I most certainly was cordial. - Do you know what cordial means?
Yes, I know exactly what it means. It means to be polite,
to be friendly, and not to tell people what you really think of them
and what assholes they all were. Yes. That's cordial.
You were not cordial.
I get it.
This is about your dear friend Brookie, right? Is this Brookie?
Cause I called her Brookie? I called Brooke Brookie?
You know what? Carl called her Brookie. Carl hardly knows her.
He met her once. I met her once. What's Carl got that I don't got?
Don't disrespect a woman and call her Brookie if you don't know her that well.
It's just being polite. But anyway, I'll let that one slide.
- Carl didn't know her! - Larry, listen to me.
I don't want to do this, this American way where we all just yell.
Do you want to take a step back and do this the African way?
I think we got off on the wrong foot.
I think there's a wound here and we need to try and heal it.
- Have you heard of the TRC? - I don't know what that is.
The Truth and Reconciliation Commission inside Africa.
- I've heard of that. Yes. - That was how we healed Apartheid.
I want to do something similar with you.
- Come in. Sit down. Have a seat. - I'll sit down.
Thank you, Larry. Welcome.
I'm going to be Desmond Tutu,
and then I'm going to ask you questions.
You're gonna be Tutu?
Yeah, because Tutu was the guy asking the questions.
But in this particular case, I was a victim.
You shouldn't be Tutu. I should be Tutu.
We can't both be Tutu. We can't have two Tutus.
I'll be a different name, okay? My name's Frank.
You want to be Tutu, be Tutu.
So, Larry, thanks for coming in today.
Of course, Mr. Tutu.
Would you like to tell everyone present here today
if you believe that you truly honored this contract
and deserve the payment?
I think I did to the best of my ability.
I faked cordiality and I feigned interest.
I'm gonna be honest, I'm disappointed.
I was expecting more from my childhood hero.
I've been expecting more from myself my whole life, and it's just not there.
Do you accept that it was a bad vibe, actually,
and kind of ruined my party?
I've ruined every party I've ever gone to in my entire life.
I have bad energy.
I just expected that you'd be more grateful.
I really did the best under the circumstances
of a person who hates people and yet had to be amongst them.
I feel like you are being honest.
For someone to admit that they don't like people
and they have a bad vibe is not easy.
I don't like myself. I'm a person.
You know what we learned in the TRC, Larry?
Sometimes the unlikeliest of friendships can develop.
- I feel like there is a connection. - It's not.
You know what I'm going to do for you, Larry? I'm gonna step up here.
- I'm going to pay you the money. - Oh my God. Seriously?
I'm going to pay you the money.
- Michael Fouchay. - There's a bit of warmth there.
Yeah, you see it?
While I have you in this warm moment, can I ask you something?
Would you mind signing this for my little guy?
- Not at all. Of course. - Appreciate that. That's amazing.
- So this is to your son? - Yes.
Yeah, that little kid that I was talking to.
Yes, the little guy.
- Kramen. - What?
Oh, my son. Yeah, make it to my son.
- Simon. - Simon! Yeah, that's what I said.
Housekeeping!
Asshole!
You leave me tip in toilet?
What are you doing? That's my stuff.
- You're a bad man. - Are you out of your mind?
Oh my God. Stop it!
Why are you doing this? What did I do?
You throw my tip in toilet, I toss your clothes.
What are you talking about?
I didn't put money in the toilet.
You sick maniac. You're insane!
I go out with a bang!
Michael, it was great to see you. We had a fantastic time.
Whenever the check arrives, it arrives.
Do me a favor. Will you give my best to Simon?
I love that kid.
Yes, I'd love to get on a Zoom with the lad.
All right, we'll work it out then.
Okay. All right.
So you're getting paid?
- I will get paid. Yes. - Me too.
But, man, does this guy have a nerve threatening not to pay me.
What? Because I wasn't cordial? And this Fouchay...
What a pain in the ass. He's still making requests!
I got to get on a Zoom with his son, Simon?
That kid's a potato.
His dad's gonna have to donate a building to get that kid into college.
You know what the worst thing about this Fouchay is?
Trying to pass himself off as African.
This guy's not African. He's South African.
- Hey, you're sitting on my phone. - Pechuca, come.
Hello?
Goodbye, Larry.
Goodbye.
Just keep going straight. I think it's right on this block.
I thought we were going to the airport.
I just have to return Auntie Rae's glasses.
She's at some polling place voting. There it is. It's up on the right.
Those people must be so hot.
There she is. Stop the car.
- Auntie Rae. - How are you doing?
- How are you? - I'm good. Look at you.
What you doing here?
Well, we're on our way to the airport,
but I thought we should stop by and return these.
You remembered.
Are you kidding? It was on my mind every minute.
Well, I hope it wasn't on your head. I hope you didn't stretch these.
Well, I put them around my butt yesterday,
so they might be a little bigger.
Ooh, y'all. It's hot out here, Larry.
Boy, this is brutal here. How long you been waiting?
- Over two and a half hours. - What? That is just insane.
Look what they put people through just a vote.
- I'm melting out here, Larry. - I got water in the car.
- Do you want it? - I would love it.
Quiet, chubby.
Here you go. I knew this would come in handy.
Yes, indeed.
- Thank you for this. - Sir!
In the navy blazer. Put your hands in the air.
- Me? - Yeah, you.
You under arrest for violation of the Election Integrity Act.
What? What are you talking about?
It is illegal for anyone in the state of Georgia to provide food or water
to voters in line at the polls.
What? That's barbaric. Are you serious?
I'm dead serious. You're coming with me.
Oh no, you're making a big mistake.
I'm sorry, baby. I forgot.
I'm not even from here! I just came to make an appearance at a party
and I didn't even get paid!
I was just being cordial. I was being cordial!