In the Czech Republic too, we love pork.
Ever had our sausages?
In the Czech Republic too, we love pork.
You ever had our sausages?
Adriana?
In the Czech Republic too, we love pork. Ever had our sausages?
Emil kolar?
- Help you? - Salami sub, hold the Mayo.
We're out of Mayo.
Change my meat to black forest.
You killed me.
What do you want me to do?
I want to tell you.
What? You come here every night.
You fucked up.
What do you mean?
Here's these.
Where'd you find them?
One in the table. Three in my skull.
You will have our sausages.
Get rid of these.
Let go of me! Let go!
- I would've wrapped it... - That's okay. A computer!
This one got such a good write-up, I got one for myself.
- Let's move on, okay? - Congratulations. God bless.
You look gorgeous. Who's your date?
What do you mean, "who's your date?"
- Good to see you. - Congratulations.
- Thank you. - Melissa was beautiful up there.
Oh, mama Livia, come stai, darling?
Listen to him, with that "my darling."
I am nobody's darling.
She never disappoints you.
Are you still seeing your other women, Lorenzo?
Come on, ma, let's mingle.
Sorry, the older she gets, the worse she gets.
I heard disturbing shit last night. I wanted to talk to you.
But with the rehearsal dinner and everything, you know...
There's the priest. I'll be right back.
Federal indictments? Where the fuck did you get this?
I got a guy, his goomar works at FBI headquarters as a word processor.
When's it coming down?
I don't know. When she knows, she'll tell me.
- Indictments? What the fuck? - You sure?
It ain'tjust my source in Jersey. Half of New York moved to Fort Lauderdale.
Fuck! They're gonna want my ass.
Why?
What do you mean, why? I'm o.C.
When'd you get your wings?
I didn't. Not yet, anyway.
Uncle junior, you got anything to say?
You guys see indictments under your bed at night.
You're ready to I am it. As far as I'm concerned, it's speculation.
It's rumor.
Better be safe than sorry. I say we duck for a while.
What're we gonna do, close shop? We can't do that.
Tony, what do you think?
What the fuck are you asking him for? I just gave you the answer.
He's right, we go, it's open season. Albanians will be living in our houses.
I just gave a g-note to Larry boy's kid for the boost.
If I have to I am in a hurry, I'd have duped her another time.
I gotta go. It's an emergency. Say goodbye to your father for me.
I agree with my uncle. He calls the shots, we do it.
Well, maybe for today, for right now...
You were thinking that everybody should do spring cleaning?
That was my next comment.
Think they'll come over the weekend?
They're coming someday.
- Where's the rest of the money? - Everywhere.
Get it.
- What else? - How about your phone numbers?
Anybody who's anybody's in my head.
- What's the matter? - Nothing. Just, here we go.
Here.
Why now? Why the fuck now, just when things were going good?
- Boot your computer, cops are coming. - So?
You want them to see that porno you downloaded?
Better give me your jewelry.
Oh, Jesus!
We can't produce receipts. You want them stealing it?
Come on.
Not my engagement ring. This isn't stolen.
Is it?
What do you think I am?
Come on, give me that!
Adriana!
It ate my whole script now!
You're still on the file. You deleted the text.
The fuck... whatever. You fucking asshole!
Stop with the hysteria, would you please?
If you're gonna keep behaving like a baby, I'm not gonna help you.
I mean it.
At least you work that squirrel program in the restaurant.
There, the text came back.
- You put it in buffer memory. - What do you think?
Of the script?
Babe, I can't give an opinion every time you add a sentence.
I gotta have the whole story flow.
I'm starting with the dialogue.
"I manuged to get the drop on him"?
Do you mean, "I managed to get the drop on him"?
Or is he saying "manuge," like mannuggia I'americano?
My Tennessee William.
Where you going?
Get over here.
I have never seen you apply yourself like this.
I love movies. You know that.
That smell in blockbuster...
That candy and carpet smell, I get high off it.
Gonna let all this love and knowledge 90 to waste?
My cousin Gregory's girlfriend, Amy, who works for Tarantino, said:
"Mob stories are always hot." I can make my Mark.
With these indictments, shouldn't you put the script away for a while...
And get rid of evidence?
Travel light. Free bird.
You stole this computer, plus the one you just gave Melissa.
I'm writing.
Turn on channel 6.
New Jersey Attorney General, James ricci, stated at a fundraiser...
That a grand jury has been impaneled to investigate...
Possible mob activities in the garden state with indictments to follow.
With us is syndicated columnist and author of mafia:
America's longest-running soap opera, Jeffrey wernick.
- Welcome. - Pleasure to be here.
For years, the FBI has been telling us that the mafia is all but dead.
Let me interject.
While it is true that the mob is getting a standing eight-count...
I wouldn't call the fight. The government knows this best.
Murder, truck hijacking and money laundering are expected inquiries.
Do we know names of those who'll be indicted?
The indictments are sealed, but with the recent death...
Of acting di meo family boss, Jackie apri/e...
My sources tell me that corrado "junior" soprano...
Was made new boss after the death of aprile.
The sopranos have long, historic ties to the New York families.
What about possible murder charges?
They will undoubtedly be focused on the as yet unsolved...
Execution-style slaying of soprano family associate, Brendan filone.
- Was it part of a power struggle? - Interesting.
No one would have ranked him as associate!
A loyal soldier, and he winds up dead...
Brendan filone? Associate? Soldier? Fuck you!
Jesus!
Did you see it from the beginning? Did they mention my name?
Stop the fucking chitchat, all right? I gotta go.
Nobody makes guinso gravy like you, Nana.
You know, I'm up at bard waiting for my care package.
I don't like that word, Jason.
What, guinso?
- The word is offensive! - She's right, Jason.
Sorry, Nana. What's it mean?
- It's from Guinea. - What's that?
It's a derogation.
I have a patient. You wouldn't say Guinea to him.
Italian male seeing a shrink. Let me guess: Mother issues.
- Why wouldn't you? - Just wouldn't.
You'd be scared? Is he in the mafia?
No, I shouldn't have mentioned it! Can we change the subject?
No way. Mom, is he in the mob, or what?
He's not a mobster, is he?
Nobody knows better than you, Richard. I can't discuss my patients.
I just hope he's not one of those crumbs on the news.
Just refer him to another doctor. You can do that, couldn't you?
Grate the cheese, dad.
Sure she can.
That might be what you would do, Richard.
Now I remember why we got divorced.
Why refer him to another doctor? He's my patient.
You can't treat sociopaths. You shouldn't help scum with bed-wetting.
You have no idea who this man is, and yet you call him scum.
People like him are the reason Italian-Americans have a bad image.
I agree.
Ask any American to describe an Italian-American in this country...
Invariably he's gonna reference the godfather, goodfellas...
Good movies.
- And the rest will mention pizza. - Good movies to eat pizza by.
Stop it, Jason! I never said he was in the mafia.
We'll never see an Italian president.
And that's my patient's fault?
I realize that you're involved in the anti-defamation lobby.
So go after Hollywood if you feel you must. But leave my patient alone.
It's a synergy.
News items and the portrayal of Italian-Americans as gangsters!
Wasn't the Italian anti-def deal started by Joe Colombo? A mobster?
Italians against discrimination did a study.
In its height, the mafia in the us. Had less than 5000 members.
And yet, that tiny, insignificant fraction...
Casts such a dark shadow over 20 million hard-working Americans.
At this point in our cultural history, mob movies are classic American cinema.
- Like westerns. - I have to agree there, rich.
You never saw the scotch-Irish pissing and moaning...
About being portrayed as rustlers and gunslingers.
That's absurd!
See what you started with your gravy, Nana?
To we, the 20 million.
- Salute! - Salute!
- Cent'anni. - Salute.
What?
Come here. We're exterminating.
I'm busy now.
Get some sfogliatelle for the guys.
Twenty-nine.
Here you go, big guy.
Hey, gino. What can I get you?
- Get me some... - Number 34, right here!
He just went out to get gas in his car.
I go out, fuck your sister, come back Saturday, I go to the front?
I said he could.
Poppin' fresh, I'm in no mood!
I'm next, now get a fucking pastry box.
Gino, what can I get you?
Dougie, let him go first.
He don't make the rules here!
All right, two neapolitan loaves...
You touch a single crust, you'll wish you took that job at McDonalds!
Fuck you!
Okay, take a walk.
- What about my bread? - You come back in 10 minutes.
What do you think you're doing?
Come on.
Get up, I'm not gonna hurt you.
What is it? Do I look like a pussy to you?
- No. - Seriously, be honest, I won't get mad.
So why give me a hard time and talk to me like I'm nothing?
I'm sorry.
Get a pastry box.
Move it!
That's better.
Now fill it with cannoli, sfogliatelle and napoleons.
Move.
Give me the box. Come on.
Next time you see my face, show some respect.
You motherfucker!
You shot my foot!
- It happens. - You fucking asshole!
If I'm getting an invitation to the dance, I wish the feds would hurry up.
You heard what the news said.
The way things are working, it's junior's party.
That was a far-thinking plan you had there, tone.
I called you last Christmas.
The sfogliatelle! What's wrong with you?
What are you doing? You brought up in a barn, or what?
What's the matter with you?
This is no time to go on the rag. Not with the indictment coming down.
Take Georgie, go in the bathroom, sweep for bugs.
Come on.
Well, I hope they'll be all right.
Who?
- The guys. - What about me?
They didn't even mention your name on TV.
Amazing, huh? That news guy, he said the words "Brendan filone"...
The hairs on the back of my neck, they fucking stood up.
I knew the guy.
They made him look like John-fucking-gotti.
I brought him around here.
Tony wouldn't have never known him if it wasn't for me.
I had no idea.
Who is it? I'm sleeping.
- Carmela. - Oh, come on in.
I just said that in case you were...
That snooty-assed Mrs. Ryan down the hall.
She is so shanty Irish, and with all her airs.
- Come on, I'm taking you to brunch. - What?
- Get dressed. - What's wrong? Tell me.
Why does something have to be wrong?
Meadow? She eats like a bird.
Everything is fine, ma, relax! Nothing is wrong.
You come here unannounced. I shouldn't wonder if something's wrong?
Jeez, I'm sorry. It's a nice day, I thought I would take you out.
I don't want to go out!
Is it Anthony? Those indictments?
His father could take it in stride, but he can't.
I don't believe you.
Ma, will you get dressed?
- We just went to a wedding! - That was a big to-do.
This way we get to spend some quality time.
The manor will stop serving brunch any minute.
Did he cheat on you again?
I try to do something nice. I come here to take you out.
You think I have some other agenda that I have to talk to you about?
Don't flatter yourself.
I'll... I'll throw something on.
Buckle your seat belt, ma.
I can't find it! Where is it?
It's not definite. I just thought I'd tell you.
In case I don't show up for an appointment.
You're telling me you're planning a vacation, but you're not sure when?
Right.
I may never go.
Let's put it this way:
There's a strong possibility that it could happen.
Does this have anything to do with what's been on the news lately?
If you suddenly stop coming to your appointments...
I will assume that you are on vacation?
And I should wait to be contacted?
That would be a good assumption.
- Who is it? - Paulie. Open the door.
I thought we were stepping out.
I got two broads in the car.
You said Ade went to stay at her mother's.
No wonder. The place looks like a fucking sty.
What's wrong?
Talk to me. This ain't like you, kid.
I ran into Billy cracciolo.
The meter maid? What about him?
Told me the cops in nutley are looking for a guy.
Blew off a kid's toe for no good reason in Russo's bakery.
Drove a Lexus?
Does Tony know about this?
What's going on, Chrissy?
Been working my ass off on this script. You know how many pages I got?
Nineteen.
That a lot or a little?
Books say a movie's supposed to be about 120 pages.
I thought the computer would do a lot of it.
You're being frank about the business...
I would never do that. It's only "suggested by."
That writer, with the bullfights? Blew his own fucking head off.
I bought a scriptwriting program.
My advice? Put that thing down a while.
We get ourjoints copped.
Tomorrow, the words will come blowing out your ass.
You ever feel like nothing good would ever happen?
Yeah. And nothing did. So what?
I'm alive, I'm surviving.
That's it. I don't want to just survive.
It says in movie-writing books that every character has an arc, understand?
Everybody starts out somewheres, and then they do something...
It changes their life. That's their arc.
Where's my arc?
All right, take Richard kimble, right?
No, that's no good. His arc is run, run, jump off the dam...
Keanu Reeves, devil's advocate.
Right.
Keanu's a lawyer, gets all turned on by money, power and the devil.
Then his wife says, "you're not the man I married," leaves him.
You see the arc?
He starts down here, he ends up here.
Where's my arc, Paulie?
Richard kimble, the devil's whatever, those are all make-believe.
I got no arc either.
I was born, grew up, spent a few years in the army, a few more in the can.
And here I am. A half a wiseguy. So what?
I got no identity.
Even Brendan filone's got an identity. He's dead.
I killed that fucking Emil kolar, and nothing.
I don't even move up a notch.
All I got is nightmares.
That Polish, Czech, whatever he is...
Is haunting me in my dreams every night.
That happens. The more of them you do, the better you'll sleep.
I had one prick for months in my dreams.
I feel like he's trying to tell me we fucked up the night we buried him.
- We didn't. - I'm in danger.
Can I ask a question?
Why would he tell you you're in danger...
Considering you put a moonroof in his head?
What did we do wrong that night?
The gun was hot, so the slugs couldn't be traced to me.
You know who had an ark? Noah.
- Is that him? - That would be some coincidence...
If it wasn't, wouldn't it?
- Holy shit! Look. - What?
He was clean-shaven. He's got a beard now.
You know what? I read that. That happens.
I always thought it was bullshit.
Look at his fingernails!
They're like a woman's.
I'm gonna fucking puke.
Help me lift him and take him to pine barrens before they build a condo here.
Georgie!
I don't know about selling this property.
I don't know about you, but I sure could use an infusion...
If we're supporting Jase after he graduates.
It's funny how even during our marriage, we saw things differently.
I never saw this place as an investment.
I always thought that we'd build a house.
So are we gonna sell, or what?
Forjason.
I don't want to hear that you took one of your colleens on a cruise.
What's that supposed to mean, "colleens"?
We all know you're a sucker for those Irish girls.
Every Italian boy bows down to the freckles.
- I married you! - Yeah, I was a mother figure.
Don't bust my balls with Freud-by-numbers.
Don't bust my balls? Richard, your calabrese is showing.
Are you implying by all this I'm ashamed to be an Italian-American?
With all the poverty, starvation, ethnic cleansing...
And horrible shit in this world...
You devote your energy to protecting the dignity of Connie Francis!
You're worked up about my patient...
A man who has no bearing on who or where you are in this world.
Call him a patient. The man's a criminal, Jennifer.
And after a while, you're gonna get beyond psychotherapy...
With its cheesy moral relativism.
Finally, you're gonna get to good and evil. And he's evil.
Sorry I'm late. The alarm...
What is wrong with you?
I ain't been feeling good.
- I wipe my ass with your feelings. - Thanks.
Drive the fucking car!
We're under a microscope. I hear you shot some kid...
Because he made you wait!
- Fucking Paulie! - Don't blame Paulie!
Nutley pd's got a description and a make on the car!
Why don't you leave a urine sample?
- If I could... - Shut up!
Georgie comes in with vomit all over. I ask, "what the fuck?"
He said you're digging up some body!
- I was worried... - Shut up!
- You want to get caught. - I want to?
Yeah. I seen it before. That's fucking cowboy-it is.
You want to be a bad guy?
- I was worried that I didn't... - Shut up!
Can I try and explain here?
I don't know, Tony.
It's like the regular-ness of life is too fucking hard for me.
I don't know.
Look at you.
I'll bet you're sleeping all the time.
It's the only thing I still enjoy.
You know what I think?
Maybe I have cancer.
Remember how Jackie got?
Cancer?
Something fucking horrible is going on inside my body.
Does this word "cancer" pop into your mind a lot...
A little bit, what?
Well, I'm just thinking, maybe you're...
- Depressed. - Me?
I'm no fucking mental midget.
Right.
- Watch the... - What?
- Filter. - Oh, fuck!
Maybe you got...
A serotonin problem, or whatever the fuck they call it.
You know about that shit?
I saw it last night on a program.
What, take fucking Prozac? Not this skinny Guinea.
Let me ask a question.
You ever think about...
You know...
Fuck no!
Bunch of losers blowing their skulls all over the bathroom?
It's fucking pathetic.
- Did you hear the doorbell? - I'm in the middle of a game.
You'll be in the middle of the street, you don't wise up.
Anthony soprano?
Why are you in my yard?
The gate was open.
I'm agent Harris, this is agent driscol. May we come in?
If I say no?
If we were local, we wouldn't knock.
What's your point?
We have a search warrant. We know you have children.
Our other team's out front. We don't traumatize kids by kicking in doors.
So why don't you take a minute and tell them you have visitors.
Any quarters, you can keep.
You trying to bribe me?
Tell me what you're looking for, I can save you time.
Any incriminating evidence would be nice.
- I have an English paper! - You gotta be shitting me.
I better have all my programs when it comes back.
Anthony!
What the hell are they doing in my kitchen?
What are you doing?
Forgot your lunch, just ask.
I'm very sorry.
How much would you say that bowl cost?
- I'm not cleaning that up. - Grasso, clean that.
Grasso, ti faccio UN culo cosi.
Your ass!
Tony, take it easy. Grasso, take it easy.
We'll be gone in a few minutes.
Let's wait in the living room.
Clean up the bowl.
Come on.
I know they're doing their job, but I'm pissed.
Harris wasn't so bad.
He was the biggest sneak out of all of them. It's part of his act.
That guy broke the bowl on purpose.
He was just a klutz.
What was his last name?
- Rizzo, razzo, what? - Grasso.
Grasso. You think it's a coincidence they sent him?
If he wasn't Italian, he'd be at the office sweeping up. Jerk.
Bet they frisk him before he goes home.
Why? —why?
Because he has a vowel at the end of his name: Grasso.
Does he think he'll make it to the top by arresting his own people?
Pass the moo sh...
He'll see. He'll learn.
- We have a vowel. - And you be proud of it!
You'd think there was no Michelangelo, the way they treat people.
An Italian invented the telephone.
- Alexander Graham bell was Italian? - You see? You see what...?
Antonio meucci invented it, and he got robbed!
Everybody knows that!
Who invented the mafia?
What?
- La cosa nostra. Who invented that? - Who cares?
Wasn't it Salvatore lucania, known as Charlie "lucky" Luciano...
Who organized the five families: Lucchese, gambino, bonanno, profaci.
Is there something you want to say to me?
I just like history, like you, dad.
Can you shut the fuck up about it?
A.j., did you know John cabot was Italian?
- Whoa. - Like he knows who that is.
The famous discoverer of Canada.
The bank of america.
One of the biggest banks in the world, started by an Italian.
The first American Saint was Italian. Mother cabrini.
Is it true the Chinese invented spaghetti?
Now think. Why would people who eat with sticks...
Invent something you need a fork to eat?
Here's more I bet you don't know.
More Italians fought for the us. In wwii than any other ethnic group.
They won't tell you about sacco and vanzetti.
The anti-christs that got the electric chair?
- Anarchists. - Isn't it anti-christs?
They were innocent and got the chair because they were Italian.
How are there two anti-christs and only one Christ?
And of course, Francis Albert.
Will I see you next week?
If you know something I don't.
You understand, I have to charge you for the missed session.
What do you mean?
We agreed on that on our first meeting.
But I just explained my situation.
I understand, but it's important that we respect the agreement.
- What if I got hit by a car? - But you weren't.
- I know, but what if? - But you weren't.
I know that, but what if?
- You weren't. - Answer my fucking question!
I will not.
You won't?
All right, fine.
Fine, here. Here you go.
This is what it's all about. Motherfucking, cocksucking money!
Here!
I don't understand that, and I don't appreciate being made to feel afraid.
I don't appreciate feeling like I pour my heart out to a call girl!
- Is that how you see me? - Not until now.
But it's obvious you don't give a shit about my situation.
Otherwise, you wouldn't shake me down.
It'll show as paid on your next bill.
Fine.
Stick it up your ass.
And how about Dr. Goldman here?
He was gonna be a tree surgeon, but he fainted at the sight of sap!
Sap, ladies and gentlemen.
Pace yourselves. Don't spend it all in one place.
Movie night, right? Last week they showed the Polish version of rashomon.
Everybody remembers the rape exactly the same!
What's the matter with you, corrado?
Headaches, that's all. Not the kind you take aspirin for.
Now, tonight on our show, we have mitzi gaynor, Sergio franchi...
And a woman from France will pull light bulbs from her husband's throat.
This woman can relate.
We may have a bad apple.
Does Tony know about this?
What will you do?
There's not much to do. We sit back and wait.
Don't let Tony know you know. He's under enough pressure.
I'm sure he's telling his psychiatrist it's all his mother's fault.
What, a psychiatrist?
Yeah, a psychiatrist.
He's been seeing one for a while now.
God only knows what he says.
- Tony? - Yes, Tony.
Tony, who had such a terrible mother.
A psychiatrist?
Yes, junior. For Christ sake!
Show of hands, how many people think j.F.K is still alive? Come on.
They should take a zapruder film of your salad bar. Hello? Help me out!
Who? The psychiatrist, I mean.
Do you think I know?
- What did you say to Tony about this? - Me?
Nothing.
I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
And, junior, I don't want there to be any repercussions.
A psychiatrist?
You're a broken record. Yes, yes!
Do I have to...?
Do I have to say it again?
Picture yourself at Ellis island. All right? How does that sound?
It's me. Leave a message.
Christopher? It's mommy.
I know you're there. Pick it up.
Are you all right? I'm worried about you.
My god, they mentioned your name in the newspaper. The star-ledger.
Mrs. Jones told me. With all those scumbags!
It's been a while since we met for therapy.
Jason, how's bard?
I'm moving into a smoke-free dorm.
And how do we feel about that?
I'm interested in discussing what we mentioned.
Jason, are you concerned that your mother is treating this patient x?
I don't care.
As a colleague, Jen, I suggest you drop the patient.
After her last encounter...
She finally acknowledged...
That she saw the different side of him, the subhuman.
I take it you were frightened.
Frightened, revolted.
At last, appropriate emotions.
Oh, for Christ sake, Richard. You too, Sam.
When did we become afraid to get our hands dirty?
It's what she gets paid for.
Jason, how would you like to see your mother...?
Never mind, I'm not gonna paint any graphic images.
See? He always does that.
What?
Follow that up, Jase. Dad does what?
His issue is that I should distance myself from this man...
On the grounds of the stigma that he brings us.
I say refer this patient to a therapist...
That specializes in mafia depression.
This isn't funny.
No, of course not.
Jen has a real honest to goodness personal and professional dilemma.
You know, on my mother's side, we have a few dark sheep.
Excuse me?
Lepke.
Who's lepke?
Louis "lepke" buchalter.
You know. Murder, incorporated.
My mother's uncle was lepke's wheelman.
His driver.
Those were some tough Jews.